I've been saying Fuck. A lot. I mean
practically ALL the Fucking time... I've spent the past decade+ on an ever narrowing spiritual path, making self responsible choices
and owning them. (Or not, then eventually being brow beaten with the
lessons I must learn and owning my choices again.)
More recently, I have had such volcanic
eruptions of irrational anger, irritability and full on rage. Where
is this coming from? Why am I enjoying being such a bitch? My poor
husband who triggers the HELL out of me, literally, is such a
bittersweet blessing and gift. He has the capacity to piss me off to
the point where I want to chop his head off and hand it to him on a
burning stick, and also the ability to hold me close and let me in,
where I actually authentically feel that our love is so deep, so
supported, and we're growing in such leaps and bounds together that
there is only more and more love where and when we are traveling
together.
In the past few months, I have noticed
that (along with the onset of turning 40) my breasts have continually
developed into a more fibrous tissue structure, especially during my
monthly ovulation time. They become super tender, where inflammation
constricts nerves and produces pain ~ especially with caffeine (which
happens to only be sourced in dark chocolate and tea for me as I don't drink
coffee, alcohol, no drugs, no wheat, gluten, starch, grains, no dairy
– except for my good ol' pal cheese – very little sugar including
a reduction in fruits (fructose), unripened fruits (which are mostly starch before turning to fructose), raw and cold foods, as my digestive
constitution prefers fire and warmth.
I went to see a Western doctor this
year – which again is a very uncommon occurrence for me. I had a
basic physical in 2006, and before that, the last time I was at a
hospital (for a different reason than delivering flowers from my flower shop) was in 2003
when my daughter was born. I've always just believed myself to be
healthy, and lived my lifestyle accordingly, whilst including
meditation, chiropractic and massage to be a BIG part of my life. My compassionate, and very well intending doctor suggested that I get my questionable fibrous breast tissue
checked out just in case any breast illness was present. Of course,
this very suggestive statement sent my mind processing and most
likely creating more of something out of nothing, as our minds tend to do...
but I reckon I'd better know where I am on the map because then I can
actually do something about it if there is something out of
alignment, and not avoid or pretend there is nothing amiss if, in
fact, there is.
So I went in to get an ultrasound and
they had me scheduled for a mammogram. “NO WAY!!!” my internal
voice shouted so loud I was sure the whole clinic could hear. My
co-pay for this procedure at over $300 was not the only reason I
didn't want to conform to the traditional mammogram screening
standard. Seriously, any small or large amount of research shows that
mammograms are only 60% effective at finding tumors, and those tumors
are usually already at a minimum of 8-10 years into their growth
cycle, drastically reducing survivability rate.
And why would I want to freely submit
myself to toxic radiation year after year through mammography, when
studies have proven that this type of exposure actually CREATES
cancer more than detects it? Even Sweeden has recently banned
mammography in 2014 due to it's ineffectiveness, with a 5 year
phase-out process. Hooray for common sense – er, science!
Most of my life I've been a people
pleaser, and did what I was told (well, up to my late 20's anyway –
when the Un-Natural Rebel started to show up). On this day though, I
really knew I had a choice, I was educated, and empowered with
courage and enough self love, to know that if I go through with this,
I was wasting my time, money, and not being true to what I really
wanted, or what was best for me.
SO... I said “No thank you” to all
of it in my own unique way and walked out, with my husband at my side supporting the choice I made either way.
I decided if I was going to spend $300
+, I would invest in a technology that really works: Thermography.
It's been around and in use for over three decades, and is traditionally 90%+
accurate on detecting early stage illness (in the breasts and throughout the body; tumors, and heat
abnormalities caused by blood cells to colonize indicating illness)
from very early onset. In fact, it is so accurate, the particular
practitioner I went to see, Dr. Martin Stivers in Reno, NV has a 98% success rate in early detection
and diagnosis. And if there are any questions, he will do everything
in his power to help obtain the most accurate readings.
My experience with Thermal Imaging was
so non-invasive (even though I was Super Duper emotional going into
my appointment, just walking into the clinic had me burst into
tears as I was processing through the fear of potentially having a terminal illness at the worst). He was able to explain to me and my husband exactly what he
was doing, what was going on, and why thermography works the way it
does. Even if I didn't have any background studies in Anatomy and
Physiology, I reckon I would have been able to understand what he was
explaining.
In my session, I was treated with
such care and compassion that I knew even if the results were
devastating, I would have support in treating any health concern and
be directed in ways that were in alignment with my beliefs without
judgment, and hopefully without surgery or chemotherapy, which, by
the way, Alan Nixon, Ph.D., Past president of The American Chemical Society states that “As a chemist trained to interpret data, it is
incomprehensible to me that physicians can ignore the clear evidence
that chemotherapy does much, much more harm than good.”
All my questions were answered, even
the ones I didn't ask, that my husband had the foresight to ask.
Women, take your partners along! Not only do they receive a great big dose of
humility and greater understanding of what is going on in women's
bodies, but they have the potential to really support you in whatever
you're going through from a different perspective, that is outside of
our own perception, where we are merely “the tree looking through
the forest”. For me personally, I can call upon him to remember
things from my session that perhaps I was too tearful or emotionally
involved with to hear or comprehend.
Respectfully back to the "Fucking Fucks"... my
flaring temper as of late has made me question my soul's wounds, my
lineages, all the work I've done to be at peace within. Knowing
all is perfect, I would allow any and all emotions to move through,
trying not to project these onto anyone, silently proud of myself when I
didn't, self berating when I did. But still, something hasn't been right. I know my body, I
could feel it. Arrogance and pretending that I'm not feeling like a
victim have been smacking me in the face. “What is it that I'm not
seeing or taking responsibility for?” I've been constantly asking
myself. Recently changing my name to my husbands surname, “Am I now
taking on all the wounds of his lineage as well, dealing with all the
hurt and pain and anguish his ancestors have suffered as well?” If
that is it, then I'm just going to make up my own damn name and not
take on anyone else's at all. Ever. I've already processed (and
continually going ever deeper processing) my family, my ex-husband's
family, and now this one? Aaaarrrggghhh!
Then, of course my darling friend
reminded me that whatever hurts and pains are there within me that I
am taking on, it is always by choice, and to remember that there is
just as much love, support and amazing gifts that this lineage also
has to offer, I may also benefit and be a bigger benefit to others by
embracing these gifts as well. (With a bit of humility,
receiving different a perspective can turn a victim perception
instantly into a different perspective of gratitude and appreciation.
Hallelujah!)
So what happened? My Thermography shows
that my right breast turns out to be at a bit higher risk, and as
Inna Segal states in her book The Secret Language of Your Body:
The right breast equates to one not being able to be still, a
workaholic and always busy doing things, while having difficulty
saying “NO”. There is a tendency to “think that if you don't do
something, the world might end. Trying to please everyone and then
feeling torn in different directions. Sometimes carrying the
archetype of a slave. Often feeling like a victim. Asking yourself,
Why does this happen to me?
Holding on to childhood hurts from your family. Feeling overwhelmed
and overpowered by others. Trying to be too controlling in order not
to fall apart. Easily trapped in an abusive relationship [sometimes
this abusive relationship is the one we have within ourselves as self bashing is common for not living up to our own false expectations of being the Perfect Person]. Often carrying
anger toward men and the pain they have caused (and our expectations of how we want our men to turn up and never happening). Sadness about a
failed relationship. For parents, disappointment and hurt that you
don't have the relationship you desire with your kids.”
The left breast
lets us know that we may have “Difficulty connecting with your own
femininity and receiving love, affection, and kindness. Feeling like
you don't need help from others because you can take care of
everything yourself. Overburdening yourself with responsibilities and
then pushing yourself beyond your limits, feeling anxious and
exhausted. Not having any clear boundaries. Holding on to rejection,
shame, disappointment, insecurity and fear. Always worrying about
everyone and everything. Deep need to be liked and to please others.
Deep fear of loss. Regret about the choices you have made. Living in
the past and wishing that things were different.”
Oh! This is sooo accurate, as this past year I've been
exhausting myself serving others for work and money, and feeling
quite unsupported in the human realm. It is only when I turn to my
Creator that all of this makes any kind of sense. When I surrender in this way, all of it actually ceases to matter, as the Love I feel from
my Creator far surpasses any human love and pretty much immediately
all is well in my world once more.
In a few words, esoteric world aside
and back to chemical physicality, as, after all, we are all a bunch
of CHON's (Carbon, Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen) walking around; my
hormone levels are off as I am holding on to too much estrogen in my
body, as well as having adrenal burnout because I've pushed myself too far this time without caring for myself properly. It's simple cause and effect
really, realizing this is a prime reason for a great deal of symptoms
in my body, including nursing an underactive Thyroid. The "Fucking" explosions that I seem to be unable to
control, the pain in my ovaries, (along with the symptoms that sugar
helps elevate) the inflammation in my breasts, and the complete
opposite, that all is ok and right with the world. I also have a very
understanding demeanor that I find it very easy to go with the flow,
and get on with a phenomenal amount of peace in my life. A bit
bipolar some would suggest, but I reckon overall I'm just being a human trying to
constantly achieve homeostasis.
I can now relax, more easily process
the emotions that come up for me here with this realization, and move
on with no fear in order to bring my body back to a more efficient
alignment of balance. As I monitor my daily dietary intake, body
temperatures, temptation for distractions, I know that everything
that is coming up for me is perfection, stepping into an ever expanding realm of growth and possibility. Being able to be strong,
bring Power, Love and Wisdom that comes from experience is setting
the stage for an even bigger game my soul is calling for.
What an amazing world and time we live
in...
I'm sharing my journey with TLC - The Liquid Crystal remedies and other helpful resources if you find yourself going through a similar journey.
As a TLC Practitioner, I've researched and prescribed myself a 21 day Liquid Crystal remedy focused on balancing the hormones within my Reproductive System. This first go round to explore I am taking Black Coral / Pearl / Selenite. I chose these because (I was going to do Peridot/Gold/Herkimer Diamond for my Endocrine System but I was out of the stock Gold and moved to the next best option, which is perhaps divinely perfect. The Deva's know what they are doing more than I do!) Black Coral and Selenite are the activating and closing crystals within the Reproductive System, and Pearl because she helps with fertility, hormone balance and malignant conditions, bringing cycles into alignment with the Moon Phases in Females, and simultaneously works on healing digestive problems (which I also am moving through, common for Virgo's to have digestive problems I am told). “By embrace of emotions and the often difficult path they create, Joy, Beauty and Purity are found” with Pearl, also enhancing the feminine qualities of Mothering, Integrity and Grace.
Within the first 3 days of the 21 day trinity I felt a shift, and after 5 days I no longer felt bi-polar. I explored eating some dark chocolate and am not having the major mood swings that sugar has me subject to, but still have cut out the mass majority of refined sugars in my life anyway. It will be important to finish the 21 day cycle through to complete the transmission and solidify this healing journey.
After the lymph drainage massage and bodywork that brought up and took me through (my first non-loving teenage sexual trauma I totally forgot I was holding on to) with the amazing holistic practitioner Johnathan Butler in Sacramento, CA, my lymph nodes have returned to normal, no more swelling, I've taken more time off and feel my energy returning to levels where I don't feel like sleeping all day, and have stabilized another piece of foundation for this part of my life. Hooray!
Helpful Meditations for Breast Illness copied and posted straight from Inna Segal's book The Secret Language of Your Body:
Focus on your
breasts. Do you love, appreciate, and look after them? Or do you
criticize them; poke fun at them; or carry disappointment, hurt, and
shame in your breasts and chest? Stand in front of the mirror, take
off your top, and look at your breasts. Focus on letting go of all
criticism, and see them from a new perspective of love and
appreciation.
With your hands,
take out any density, energetic knives, ropes, or abuse from your
breasts and put them into an imaginary fire. Allow them to release on
all levels until your breasts feel nice and light inside.
Say:”Divine
Healing Intelligence, I ask you to help me release hardness,
disappointment, disconnection from my own needs, feelings of
rejection, tiredness, loss and victimhood from my breasts, as well as
all points of view, all patterns, and the positive and negative
charges that contribute to this condition.” Repeat the word “CLEAR”
until you feel a shift occur.
Cup your breasts in
the palms of your hands and focus on sending green, healing,
rejuvenating light into your breasts. Then hug yourself, focusing on
loving and nurturing your breasts.
Complete the
following sentence: “I love my breasts because ___________.”
Repeat this five times, telling your
breasts all the different reasons you love them. It could be
anything:
My breasts give me pleasure.
They make me feel more feminine.
I was or am able to nurture my
children with my breasts.
Say: “Divine
Healing Intelligence, please help me love, nurture, and listen to
myself. Help me to have a balanced outlook on life, increase my inner
power, and allow me the freedom to be myself. Thank you.”
Do something loving
and nurturing every day, even if it only takes a moment. Smile at
yourself, give yourself a compliment, rest, read, dance, or do
whatever feels right.
Say: Divine Healing
Intelligence, please heal and regenerate my breasts and all related
organs to their maximum health, vitality, and well-being. Thank
you.”
Unhealthy emotions to work with:
Stuckness, Fear, Criticism, Rejection, Attack, Control, Judgment,
Guilt, Low Self-Esteem
Healthy emotions to work with:
Forgiveness, Support, Innocence, Confidence, Love
Colors to work with: Green, Pink, Gold,
Orange
Connect with more of Inna's work
starting here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Gj-Y5YaKeY
A great article about MBCR
(Mindfulness-Based Cancer Recovery and SET (Supportive-Expressive
Group Therapy during cancer recovery, loaded with links to scientific
studies and more meditations:
http://drdavidhamilton.com/how-meditation-affects-the-cells-of-breast-cancer-survivors/
And, of course, please contact me as I am also available to consult and offer appropriate remedies for your own unique situations in the form of Bodywork and Massage (Lomi Lomi, Sweedish, Deep Tissue, Reiki, Prenatal, Chair, PNF, etc.), as well as Compassionate Listening sessions, Liquid Crystal readings and remedies, Art/Poetry, Soul and Child Whispering, ceremonies, and more. www.souljourneyswithgaia.com
And, of course, please contact me as I am also available to consult and offer appropriate remedies for your own unique situations in the form of Bodywork and Massage (Lomi Lomi, Sweedish, Deep Tissue, Reiki, Prenatal, Chair, PNF, etc.), as well as Compassionate Listening sessions, Liquid Crystal readings and remedies, Art/Poetry, Soul and Child Whispering, ceremonies, and more. www.souljourneyswithgaia.com
Namaste
