Day 93 ~ 1/1/11
All emotions grow in size when practiced regularly. Practice love to have more love, practice hate to have more hate. Practice kindness to have more kindness, practice depression to have more depression. The choice is yours as always…
Dakar got a 4 am wake up call this morning to go to work because it had snowed 1/2 an inch. He got up completely pissed off and during these moments, I am internally happy that he is not around! I was up, filling his water containers and trying to help his exit smoother and peaceful for him, but it was just me I was satisfying, learning how to remain peaceful and not take it personally.
Hours later, he called and woke me, yelling into the phone that his ass was on fire. I’m not sure why he yelled at me, he was the one creating the fire and discomfort in his day. (Mirror ~ I have totally done this to him though too, so fair is fair!) I calmly breathed and said nothing. The past few days he has been complaining of his anus being tight. I asked him several times what he was holding in, what is it that he is not releasing, and obviously he avoided looking into finding these answers. So, I quietly raised myself up, and went to get him some hemorrhoid relief cream.
My mom used to get hemorrhoids every time she called someone an “Asshole”, now she doesn’t call people that anymore! Dakar has been blaming people, settling into his small self, feeling the victim. I have been trying to remain neutral, but sometimes I still let his negativity rub off on me, then I feel dirty. I went to town and bought him some cream and the shelves were barren of the stuff! The store was practically sold out, only a couple tubes to choose from, as I see another man in front of me walking stiffly, two tubes of cream in his cart. I had to laugh, wondering what is going on that there is a sudden flare up of hemorrhoids for people? Astrologically, NOW is the perfect time to be letting go, releasing unwanted or un-serving stuff from our lives between the lunar and solar eclipses.
I brought the kids with me to deliver “The Cream” and we soaked in the outdoor hot tub where we have a recreation pass. There were several kids and an adult in the tub already, the kids were throwing snowballs at each other, eating snow like ice cream, being kids and having fun. A few minutes after we arrived, the mother of the other kids entered the hot tub. She immediately puckered up and started exclaiming “Don’t run, don’t eat the snow, don’t throw the snow into the hot tub, don’t jump in, don’t, don’t, DON’T…!” During her ranting her littlest boy hit his head on the concrete side of the tub as if to validate her fears. He got his mommy time, and she was able to provide for the needy child, and the whole energy shifted from the lightness that comes from allowing kids to be kids to being stressful and on edge. We didn’t stay very long, and I didn’t feel it was my place to say anything to her. I had to consider that she was a mirror for me in this moment, allowing me to glimpse at what I sound like when I am in my controlling stage with my kids.
Coming home, I get the kids settled in with something to eat and lie down for a nap. I have a bad headache from starting my detoxing cleanse today and dehydrating myself some in the hot tub. It doesn’t seem to matter how much fluid I drink, it’s hardly ever enough to keep me from getting headaches from heat. It’s like my way of telling me I’m too much in my head. After napping a bit, I woke up to worse pain in my head. I ran my Shakti circuit, feeling the energy bright and piercing hot as it worked its way through, grounding and connecting me. I then went into a meditation to connect with Mother, Father and the Christ Consciousness grid and my headache instantly improved. I see my daughter as a powerful healer, and she rubs my head, bathing energy down my forehead, neck and shoulders. She is quite gifted and as she asks why do I think this of her I can only reply “you just are.” I will try to nurture this gift within her for as long as she chooses.
I walk into the bedroom after feelings of peppermint run through me as I complete my ovary breathing. There is a thick layer of unsettled energy, I can smell the stench giving off a putrid odor as Dakar sleeps here. Ugh! Do I really want to climb into bed and sleep here? I can go sleep soundly on the couch…but the bed is more comfortable and I want to rest well, allowing my body time to better heal itself. How can I work to transform this stale energy in our bedroom? The years of abuse and sexual repression we have put ourselves through need to be cleaned from our bedroom. I want this done, so I decide to stay and work on transforming it. I may require help, but I will work to find the answer first myself, with Dakar.
I am always amazed and humbled at the powerful natural healing our bodies do on their own. I can go to bed with a debilitating migraine and wake up healed and refreshed. Amazing! How could we ever compare or think that we are better than the God within us? Self healing, trust, patience and forgiveness as I look in the mirror, a bit brighter than the last time.
Namaste
No comments:
Post a Comment