Respect and Honor

1/7/11

 

How clean and crisp it felt to wake up to shimmering points on my crystalline grid sparkling…today is a day I am meant to stay in my womb, taking a step back, dropping into myself and patiently responding to the activities of the day.

I find a big piece of myself that is missing labeled as respect and honor. Nothing feels sacred. If sacredness hit me over the head, I’m not sure I would know what it was. I find that I am usually acknowledged by others in a quiet, private way. Is that a sign to stay and live my life low profile? To just be okay with being in contact with people I physically run into? Why do I feel I need to change on a global scale? 

For some reason I watched a video with Dakar about the massive way government is trying to control our lives. Where do we stand up as people and draw the line? What kinds of action can we take back? Do I continue to just work on changing myself and my perspectives, gaining freedom for my mind? I don’t feel like I am supposed to head up any kind of mass organization to stop the government, so I’ll continue to just be aware of myself, alone and with the masses as All One. I AM okay with that, just doing my part quietly for now.

I guess this is coming up for me because I feel like my voice is not heard or respected. Total mirror, I know. I feel like I don't respect myself because I feel like I’m not saying anything new. Everything I say has already been said, or at least, it feels like it has to me. Maybe that’s a good thing? If I say something that is old information to me, but new to someone else, then he or she can validate with some research, stumbling upon many examples of others sharing the same or similar viewpoint. Maybe I am a doorway to enter and walk through in order to be clear about the information that is being presented. Maybe I am just coming up with anything to ramble about, trying to assign a reason to validate anything and everything, placing meaning to something that is nothing. *Sigh* I don’t know…

Anyway, Dakar’s 2^nd cousin was getting married today, so we traveled to their wedding. I was excited that this was the first wedding I’ve been to in a LONG time that I could participate as a guest and enjoy, I didn’t have to work at all! It was tempting to fluff up some of the flower arrangements, and ask the photographers why they were shooting in a dark room with long, harsh shadow without a flash, but it wasn’t my job to do, so I kept my mouth shut and just had a great time! We visited with family we haven’t seen in a long time, played with the kids and I had fun watching my shy, sensitive son bust some moves on the dance floor! He was great – sliding on his knees and just movin and groovin!

One of the most important things I’ve noticed with my kids lately is how happy they are. Early in their life when we were both working, Dakar’s mom moved to town to help us out. I can clearly see how her influence, her love for the children, being and playing with them really gave them a solid foundation for their current happiness. I understand that having her here to serve this role was perfect as I know I wouldn’t have done such a good job. I couldn’t even be present with myself, and I know I wouldn’t have been as present with my kids – obviously, because I wasn’t. I am so grateful now though, that she was in our lives in this way to give the kids what they needed to be happy in growing. I created the opportunity to thank Dakar’s mom for all she did for us during that time when we saw her this weekend.

A big THANK YOU to all the mom’s and dad’s and caretaker’s out there who give everything you are to see that other’s are happy and well taken care of. The world is a beautiful and caring place because of you and your expressions of LOVE.

Namastute