Spirals, Spirals Everywhere

Rainbow Vortex

Day 53 ~ 11/22/10

 

Is it Monday again already? I am seeing spirals EVERYWHERE! From my art, to videos, to designer pancake mix (see yesterday’s blog – Meeting Places), just everywhere! Spirals of creation is what they are. New is constantly being created, and I am being guided into a constant realization of the urgency and importance of honoring Gaia, our precious Mother, as well as our Father. I had a friend asking me to share information about Womb Wisdom, to which the cover art conveniently features another fractal arm of a spiral.

 

I was reminded this morning from my fun little Message from God on FB ~ On this day, God wants you to know... that your love is a gift to the world. Let your love radiate out to all you meet. Let your love touch the hearts of people you don't even know. Let your love reach to the far corners of the earth. Love is what is saving the world.

It reminded me that Love sees in an infinite amount of ways...not just fluffy red hearts on clouds of pillows, but also in deep, internal, ruthless reflection. As the universe would have it, Love likes to constantly push these boundaries, making sure I am aware of the soft vulnerability that love is, as well as the sharp sword that Love also is.

Blue Light of the Star Family

I posed a question to a friend on FB that I hung out with some in high school about why boys were so interested in guns. He replied with a very passionate set of opinions, clearly opposite of my viewpoint. While I had a passionate response from a different perception, I noticed I ended up feeling like he was more my brother by taking the time to engage in a passionate debate, exercising our freedom of speech, instead of running away and avoiding any kind of confrontation. No matter what his viewpoints are and if I am in agreement or not, I value him as my brother, showing me where I have room to grow. Below was my response to his position of guns and weapons being necessary. Actually, its long, but here’s the whole conversation, it’s worth looking at all viewpoints, where does your belief system fit in? What would you add to this conversation? :

HIM:  Off to … Marine Corp Ball - should be fun... with any luck we'll win the raffle - a semi-automatic weapon...

ME:  WHAT is it with you boys and your weapons? My son loves guns too...I can't stand it. What is the attraction???

HIM:  If I had a view that anyone who wanted to defend themselves is ununderstable and weird I would be a huge supporter of our military not mocking them. If your son is interested, I would encourage you to teach your son how to shoot correctly,... to make choices responsibly, and that his ability to act the way he wants as an adult is the direct result of other's using guns correctly and responsibly.

            That being said, 1) I'm not a boy - I'm a man; if your thing is judging other people's action then I welcome your criticism, I understand we have differences and I respect our disagreements.

            However, 2) the right to bear arms (the 2nd amend) was recently reaffirmed to be a civil rights of all Americans and while local and state gov't can create rules for ownership they cannot ban them either literarily or through bureaucratic tricks (which is what Chicago and DC were doing). It is NOT a federal right that is expanded under the Equal Protection or the Privileges or Immunities clauses of the 14th amendment - it is a constitutional right on par with the 1st amendment. This was proven first via DCvHeller(2008) and then by McDonaldvChicago(2010); the cases reviewed the famous Slaughterhouse Cases citied for over a century by anti-gun activist and they overturned them - they found that gun-ownership was indeed, an essential part of maintaining personal and economic freedom particularly for minorities and former slaves/victims of violence. I feel that gun ownership is a necessary (and not just optional) part of civic participation to be able to defend your property and your life particularly since our federal, state, and local gov't are not design to protect the life and property of one individual.

            Thus, 3) if you do not understand your rights, that's your option - if you do not feel that owning a weapon would increase your freedom or that it may even diminish your sense of freedom, that's your opinion to think so BUT one cannot separate ones options, ones opinions, and ones freedom from ACTUAL men and women defending your choices with guns - no one understands this concept better than the poor; the rich view gun ownership as a philosophical social issue. Meanwhile, the toughest city gun-ownership laws in the nation mirror the most dangerous and murderous places in the US - who has more death my guns per population- Texas or D.C.? Recently it came out that St. Louis, Detroit and Oakland are among the worst crime ridden cities in the US - no surprise they also find it easier to bully law-abiding citizens into disarming themselves then dealing with criminals who use guns... thus the bumper sticker - when guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. NOT in my town, not in my state, and not in my nation - I want peace loving, men and women of conscience to have guns too - I don't want them to be blood thirsty, I want them to use their guns to support law and order, justice. And they do, all throughout this nation.

            4) OK, maybe for the police and military but that doesn't mean that every moron in the US gets to have one - well, who are the police and the military if not US citizens protecting each other? The sense of legitimacy they get from the gov't is artificial and created by the gov't for the purpose of expanding gov't powers Private police forces are as effective as public police forces and some military branches, like USMC, were created to defend a population (by warring overseas) even before we had a nation! And so the answer is yes, every moron has to right to exercising their 2nd amend rights the same way they have the right to exercise their 1st amend rights (that is, up until they are found by a jury of their peers to be excising their rights in a manner that is dangerous to others) - the Bill of Rights isn't multiple choices - there is no 1st amend for anyone if only a select few have 2nd amend rights - one cannot champion the 5th amendment then support limits on 4th amendment rights.

            5) the Freudian explanation for gun lovers also misses the point that most people who fire a gun to defend themselves are women! Women like my own mother... Freudian psychology has been debunked time and time again but people use what ever argument they feel will prove their point even sometimes.

            For me, I'm always shocked that the more people try to pretend they have views that are open and inclusive, the more their views morph into what everyone else should or shouldn't do, or can and cannot do. I cannot think of more fascist cities in the US than San Francisco and NYC but they effectively maintain that they are open to everyone - so long as you think the way they do, I guess its a coincidence they are also the most expensive cities to live in - they don't want the poor there. I'm in support of gun ownership not because I want one but because I want to maintain my option to own one and that means supporting people who are not afraid to use their weapons. Other people having guns actually provides me the option I wanted even without owning one myself. I would think you would get behind that wouldn't you?

HIM: Here's a great summary of the cases I mentioned above from Reason Magazine: http://reason.com/archives/2010/09/13/youve-come-a-long-way-baby

HIM: Here's a video clip of Ted Nugent explaining how he would like to see dead criminals than dead victims: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCHtw6WbbnM

ME: Thank you for your opinions.

ME: Perhaps, though, for one instant, you could PRETEND that there were no such things as guns and weapons. We would find a different way to solve our disagreements. Charging one with a weapon denotes a scarcity mentality and a FEAR based mindset. WE can look at history and clearly see how this has kept the masses in slavery to themselves and their judgments.

            I understand that I have judgments about guns - funny, because my dad taught me how to shoot and respect guns. My issue is more about people intentionally hurting other people, or feeling like they must "defend" themselves because they are living in FEAR. Fear is just not understanding the unknown.

            There is no such thing as good or bad, right or wrong, just people's personal beliefs about it - which has an effect on mass consciousness.

            It is my journey to take responsibility over my perceptions of that which I do not understand. AND this is precisely what I'm doing, that is what makes mature men and women. Boys and girls allow themselves to be herded like sheep and stick to things that aren't working. This is not necessarily a "bad" thing, just an observation. I do not judge other people actions, only my own as a reflection. Your actions allow me to reflect what is unsettled within me, creating the opportunity for me to let go of my mis-perceptions and find balance and peace on any given subject within myself. So for that, I am grateful for you.

            When people stay ignorant to what their creator is trying to tell them and go along with what other people tell them to do, then they behave like children, waiting for mom and dad to give them instruction. When people rise up, look deep within themselves and start taking action on what their own truths are, then they can become liberated into maturity and adulthood.

            Being vulnerable allows one to understand and react with compassion, and to really "love thy neighbor." I believe that the world does too much "thinking" with the mind, and when we as a collective realize that all of our answers are stored within, we won't need to look outside ourselves for guidance, and then there will really live a society of true men and women.

            For now and always, I have complete respect for everyone's opinions, as they are markers of where we are on our own personal journeys, never good or bad, right or wrong.

ME:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UoMXF73j0c Brene Brown on The Price of Invulnerability

ME: http://littlegrandmother.net/Media.aspx Keisha, recognized as Little Grandmother on The New Heart Consciousness

ME: Everyone is always going to be able to find a way to support their own belief systems.

HIS WIFE: This was awesome discourse! I have chills - thank you both for your freedom of speech!

A FRIEND: Nosey me...I agree with both viewpoints, and while hopeful for humanity...I think that not everyone is healthy and balanced...and not everyone’s beliefs considers "the other" in their world, nor do some care to aspire to such growth and have... the introspection within themselves to realize how true Gaiel's perspective is. It's for that reason knowledge about gun safety and protection with such, as a last resort, (not to mention the right to do as I please in my own home without government oversight) is important. Thanks so much for sharing!

Rainbow Mandala 10

Whew! After this I was reading about the White River of Holy Desire, always wanting more of God, praying for holy desire as “ the life force, the golden thread that connects you and God.” (pg. 65 The Power of Shakti by Padma Aon Prakasha) I am grateful for passionate people, standing in their truth, holding a space for me to stand in mine. Feeling the passion and desire for life, dancing in prayer with God and all that she is, embracing Mary Magdalene as a divine mother, and understanding a bit more of my connection to the divine mothers and my responsibility to be clear within myself to bring through as much healing energy as I can.

My dreams were intensely crisp, showing me of a time I went exploring our great mother earth. I was with some others who came to a land untouched by humans, all I could do was sit down and bask in the glory and magnificence that were these amazing mountains and valleys in front of me, the crystal clear rivers and lakes, the desert highlands and red rocks, the lush greenery of bushes and evergreens, just the pristine glory of divine creation surrounding me with every breath I exchanged with her. The excitement welled within me as I realized that I had the opportunity to be one of the first to explore the depths of her creation from an entirely different viewpoint. A new spiral of creation.

(Read more about Holy Desire, which was embraced and anchored in unconditional love by Mary Magdalene with Christ Yeshua. pg. 17 The Christ Blueprint by Padma Aon Prakasha)

Flower of Life

It was completely fitting then, during my ovary breathing that I watched powerful spirals of light sending energy throughout my body. I could clearly feel and see a blockage in my left, feminine ovary. I rest in patience, knowing that I am chipping away at the darkness it is holding, releasing bit by bit, all in perfect design and timing.

With Dakar working so much with all of this magnificent snow we have recently received (about 4 feet in the last 4 days, closer to 7-10 feet on the summit and ski areas), I must find the time to do meditation by myself. During my Oon Rahum breathing that organically turned into running my Shakti circuit and first gate work directly after, I felt as if I was riding waves of energy, snaking my way through spiral, square and triangular tunnels, different types of vortexes swooping me up and wooshing me through, like a giant slide, whee! I continue to pray for the desire of holy connection, feeling it descend into me, gracing me with patience, love and gratitude for my higher self sending me here to earth during this most amazing time to be alive!

Namastute

Stargate to Atlantis

Meeting Places

Kitty's Playground

Day 52 ~ 11/21/10

The slumbering party kids woke up late and we ate designer pancakes for breakfast. As in they made shapes and designed their own pancakes. One wanted waffles so I made her a pancake that looked like a waffle – there you go.

After playing all day, pretty much the same as yesterday, the kids left one by one. One friend was going to spend another night over here, but he got homesick and wanted to go home. My kids ended up going to his house and spending the night over there. From a fun noisy to completely quiet, what a change in an instant!

 

After all the kids had left, a friend called that I haven’t talked with in a long time. This has been happening more frequently, it seems as if I am being contacted by people of my past, reconnecting and catching up. I’ve always thought of relationships like an infinity loop. You are at a point with someone, then you both go your own way, then you come back to a point to reconnect and/or share something, then go your own way again, over and over and over. For some this process is quick, a loop can take the course of a single day or minute, for others, we can spend years or lifetimes on our own journey, coming together meeting for but a moment, then off on our own way again. Like a spark of energy has been created or woken up during the meeting, then carrying that energy through and sharing it with others on your path. Anyway, that’s my opinion and it seems to work well as an explanation for me.

Speaking of cutting the cords (as a funny little side note) my husband has a power cord running from the house to the tent where his tractors reside. He was very specific in reminding me that the cord was there, and if I was going to run the snowblower please be careful not to run over the cord. Sooooo, what is the first thing I do within 30 seconds of starting the snowblower? Yep, you guessed it. Ran over and ripped the power cord to shreds! Oops! Like he didn’t have enough going on already, now he has to fix something else, glad I could be there to help him on his overwhelming journey! LOL (I didn’t know LOL was Laugh out Loud. When I first saw the initials, I though it was Lots of Love…different generations…just like when there was buzz from the kids and teens about the New Moon, I was very excited that so many young people were taking an interest in getting to know her and honoring our beautiful moon, then I found out it was a vampire book and movie…way different generations…my mom would say “Different Strokes for Different Folks”.)

Anyway, I ran a different power cord from the house so Dakar didn’t have to worry about fixing this additional mishap until things cool down a bit. I was sure I was far enough away though. I talked with one of his employees about this, and he said every time something like this happens to him, he’s also sure he “was far enough away”. Made me consider that I just wasn’t paying attention, I wasn’t in complete awareness of where I was at. And even if I was, it still could have happened, it was just a mistake and not really a big deal.

The big deal is what I am noticing by being active in my perceptions. Dakar is remaining composed for the first time ever…meaning usually when this many problems arise within his business he usually loses his cool quite quickly, his temper getting out of hand and yelling at inanimate objects. Also in the past, I usually take his screaming personally, feeling like I have not done a good enough job to create more of a perfect situation or life for him.

Our Lady of the Fire

Our work together is creating a much more compassionate and actual marriage with one another. He is walking through the door tired and hungry, but not angry and hateful. This makes me want to make him dinner and keep the kitchen clean, make his lunch for him and kiss him good night. The momentum of our relationship rolling in this direction is much more conducive to achieving a harmonious household, for I now know that when he does lose it for a moment or more, it is not my fault, I don’t have to hold the shame and guilt like I did before, thus allowing me to open my heart more to him, giving so much more love without feeling like I am being forced to do so.

The house was quiet and he went to bed. I was planning on staying up to do my meditations and journal, it was still early evening. But I laid down next to him for a few minutes to cuddle and hold him until he fell asleep, and his energy was SO amazing! I couldn’t help but lay my whole body next to him, as close as I could – if I could have crawled up inside of him I would have! His buzzing and moving energy ignited my whole being, stirring me up inside, sparking pleasure and what was like mini orgasms throughout all of my body. Yummy! Of course I didn’t get up and move, are you crazy? I held him and bathed in this exchange of energy, like making love without intercourse, until I woke up in the morning and realized he was already up getting ready to go back to work.  

Aho and Namaste! 

Laughing Fire Buddah

Party Day

Snow forts everywhere!

Day 51 ~ 11/20/10

I am soooo happy for the snow starting! In a very selfish way, I really didn’t feel like driving to Reno with a group of kids, playing laser tag, watching a movie and taking them out to eat. I would have, we discussed this being the plan for my son’s birthday party. However, continuing to nurse a hurt back, and now my whole mid section feels like imploding, I am excited to have all the kids over here for a slumber party for as long as they want.

Old school playing, walking back up the hill after sledding down.

Watching five kids interacting with each other, they have all been friends for year’s, it’s really great to see the differences in them compared to how I grew up as a kid. Honestly, I don’t even remember all the little details of my life growing up, so I really can only compare to the perceptions I have now. I was witness to how they all interact in a group setting, clearly seeing each one’s strengths and vulnerabilities. They had no problems calling each other out, saying what they feel in the moment, crying if necessary, and being more human than most “adults” are! Once again, I bow to the teachings of our children.

I brought home a helium tank and extra balloons that I haven’t sold yet ,and because the kids are all 8-10 yrs old (except my 7 yr old daughter) they could be responsible with the gas. Oh my, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen kids having so much fun with balloons! Blowing them up, letting them go, figuring out how to get them off the ceiling, naming them and creating stories for the balloons, making their hair stand straight up, feeding them to the snow, tying another kid to the chair with the string from his balloon, and letting them go up into our ceiling fan to get pummeled by the blades of the fan, good times, good times!

Pop! Pop! Pop! Goes all the balloons!

The laughter was contagious as they all went back and forth, inside and outside, playing games and sledding in the snow, making up their own games. This is how I remember we used to play, we didn’t have all the modern day distractions. Imagination was our toy. Ha ha ha ~ I sound like an 88 yr old grandmother already!

We made an organic cake, and celebrated with a very minimalist style. Time seems irrelevant and doesn’t mean anything when I think I was ready to give birth 10 years ago. Seems like yesterday, and it also seems like hundreds of years ago.

I did have to keep taking away the ipods that the kids brought and were playing with. There were only two and the intense focus of these kids, glued to the screen – oh boy! I made them sit down and play a board game, and they were like “Man, these questions are hard!” to which I replied “Well, if you didn’t play so many video games and actually paid attention to the world around you, the questions would be easier.” HA! Another grandma comment to the youngin’s! When did 35 get to be so old?

Light beings/orbs joining the snowflakes and party!

 Anyway, they stayed up as late as they could, trying to make it through the night, continuing to get their snow gear on and go outside to torment TOM. Tom is the being that lives in the woods beside our house that likes to play with and scare the little boys and girls – hee hee hee hee hee…..they put flashlights on their guns (yes, guns) and threw snowballs into the dark woods. Way better than dinner and a movie (cheaper for me too!)

Looking for Tom in the woods, orbs are helping.

Dakar has been working himself into exhaustion, but this is the business for that. The only time he can rest is between storms when it’s not snowing and all of his tractors and equipment are running properly. This storm has brought about many breakdowns, hoses blowing, parts seizing up, whatever the issue is. When he came home tonight for his three hours of sleep before setting out again, I asked him if he wanted to do our meditations. He chose sleep instead, consciously deciding that to sleep is what his body needed in that moment. (Which was no excuse for me to not do them, but I chose to have fun with some artwork instead, staying up and keeping an eye on the kids, trying to keep them quiet so Dakar could sleep.)

So a light party day of fun and playing was had by all (we even saved some cake for Dakar).

Kids embracing their shadow selves!

IN Vulnerability

Day 50 ~ 11/19/10

“We stay so busy that the truth of our lives can’t catch up.” ~ Dr Brene Brown at the TED conference, speaking about the Price of Invulnerability. 

To practice gratitude and honor what is ordinary about our lives in every moment, loving abundantly, freely giving love and appreciation…all of this is said over and over, and the cool thing is, we get tested on it over and over, to see how well we have integrated it within ourselves over and over.

For example, yesterday I put energy toward selling some more stuff that needs to go by the end of this month. Today, I had two meetings with people. A couple came by at 9:30 am and bought our nice stainless steel work tables, and I waited for another couple who agreed to show up around 10:00-ish. 10:00 came and went, 10:30 came and went (I didn’t have their phone number, just email correspondence otherwise I would have called.) 11:00 came and went, and finally, at 11:34 (but who was keeping track?) they show up. I looked at the lady, and they apologized for taking so long. The first words she said to me was “I did say we’d be here around ten-ish.” I glared back at her and said, “Yes, you did. It is now 11:30.”

I wasn’t really mad, sure the stuff swirled around my head as I was thinking, “Okay, they are giving you an opportunity to stand up for yourself and reveal to them that you respect your time and they should really evaluate where they are coming from and learn how to respect themselves and others in the future. If they don’t like what I have to say then they can walk away. I have other people interested in the desk, so I don’t have to sell it to them.”  I was also thinking “I am just going to leave and they can come up to a closed door, and I will email her and tell her I had an appointment that I didn’t want to be late for because I honor my agreements with other people.” Other blah blah blah and blatant, flat out lies were formulating in my head. How is that honoring my agreement to myself to come from my truth when I continue to formulate lies to cover up my judgments?

I was at the point of witnessing myself considering going into frustration, but it just wasn’t happening. After being stood up a few days ago for lunch, I knew that this was another test of my reactions. It really wasn’t that big of a deal to stay and wait, after all I had much more packing and sorting to do. Actually, it was a good excuse for me to spend the time taking more photos of stuff I could sell on Craig’s List or elsewhere. I really just didn’t feel like being mad, so I wasn’t. I forgave them for their disregard for my time and myself for the judgment of this. There, done in an instant! I could tell though, that they did feel genuinely bad about showing up so late, but that is entirely their issue now, and maybe they will do something about it for themselves. 

I also thought about countries and places that go at their own pace, time means nothing. Like when one is in Hawaii, “I’ll come by” might mean today or next week. Going with the flow doesn’t necessarily mean harping on people, but it also doesn’t mean allowing myself to get walked on. Where do you draw the line? Do you have any boundaries?

Later on, I saw a friend who used to shop at my store all the time. She found out I closed my doors when she called and my phone number rang to another florist. She made a huge effort to let me know how much this town is grateful for the gifts I brought to them through my designing flowers, wishing me happiness on my journey however it may look. WOW. I was and still am completely humbled by her gratitude and expression of love. Not to falsely stroke another’s ego, but to truly appreciate someone else for who they are, or for just living in this world – and telling them so. That is a beautiful example of LOVE. Wow.

Being in the space to witness and receive such unexpected gifts from angels everywhere today, softening and continuing to open in vulnerability…

Constantly swimming in the waters, fear and vulnerability came up again this evening. My son, as I have mentioned before, loves guns. It’s our culture, boys and some girls play cowboys and Indians, shoot the aliens, war games, etc. It’s everywhere, ingrained in the mass consciousness of boys (and some girls). He loves them though. I get mad at him and make him cry because I don’t understand why he pretends to shoot people. Then I try to make him wrong and tell him its “bad” to kill others. Why? How do I really know this for sure – that killing other’s is “wrong”? (I am also still dealing with the fact that my younger sister shot and killed herself 10 months ago…haven’t been ready to leap into that one yet, but I feel it is coming for me soon…I miss her so very much.) 

I torment myself over perfection and buy into the rules of society. It is only after I sit for a bit and soften back into myself that I cuddle with him and let him know that I don’t understand, that is why I get so upset. We both have something very important to our soul’s journey, and we are working on it! With some hugs and forgiveness, I am humiliated by my actions and he seems to have softened and returned to himself too…hopefully forgiving…but who knows? I’ll probably be paying his therapy bills for life no matter what I do or don’t do!

I know that he (and I) will be okay, my womb told me today that he is the divine masculine in training. He came to experience all that life is right now, and that he is one of the very strong ones that will walk through and lead the way for others to change as well. There are no set rules, but he is going to emerge just perfect. We are all in training right now. I do feel validated to see evidence of this emergence when he does something that shows me his true inner voice shining through – usually bringing me to tears, and genuinely feeling that he is okay. It may be a phase or not, so back off a bit on the gun thing Mom ~ what you resist, persists!

I felt like I needed to cut our KA cords again, as my attachment to my son was groping him out of fear and ego, way beyond the boundaries of a natural mother/son connection. I do this because I realize how much I love him and support him on his own journey. And of course, every time I ask his higher self if he is willing to be cut, and of course, every time he is ready. He probably wonders why I keep reattaching myself to him, but he is always genuinely loving, patient, and kind, allowing my to continue to find my understanding with myself and him.

This time there was a slight connection at our crown chakras, and my cord wanting to create a strong suction at our solar plexus chakras, and a thin but very strong cord at our root chakras. I tried unplugging his cord from me, then I realized that it was my plug to him, me sucking and draining off of him. Oops! I will do my best to keep my cords to myself!

One time when I had disconnected my cords from many people (like 13 people within 3 hours) I saw them flying around like vacuum cords from my chakra points and big suction cups on the ends of each one, like snakes searching for something to bite, these were suctions wanting to attach themselves to anything! I didn’t know how to control them, this was a very new experience for me. I inquired about this and was told to sit with my KA body in front of a mirror (during meditation) and allow my suckers to attach themselves to me – to the mirror of myself. Woah! I did this, and the most amazing connections occurred. I could actually see and hear my Godself singing to me through the portal that had just opened up at my heart, like a siren song, telling me that she has been waiting for my return for so very long…

I will do this again immediately!

IN Vulnerability, Namaste

Scattered Trash

 

Day 49 ~ 11/18/10

Solutions abound around every corner! I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again. There are just some days that are better for dealing with particular to do’s than other days. When I try to force to do’s on days it is not in the flow, frustration is present. When I do nothing and let it happen the way it wants to happen, then peace and the reminder of our ultimate connection is present, a true gift to be received with abundant gratitude! It doesn’t even matter what the “to do” was, it’s about how I show up in the moments surrounding it.

I started using a Keeper Moon Cup for my menstruation. I don’t know why I waited for so long! One reason is that they are not widely known about in the U.S. as we are the biggest consumers on the planet, throwing away everything, creating trash, trash and more trash. (In every way, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally, eh?) So I am happy to know that these cups last for 10 years or so, and coupled with some Glad Rags, I won’t be using and contributing more feminine products to the landfills…and I’ll be encouraging their use! Not to mention the bleach and chemicals that are used, sitting against your skin, creating toxins within your most sacred areas. Hmmm…is regular toilet paper the same – bleached and toxic to the skin? More solutions – thank you!

Today I put energy toward selling some more stuff, I wouldn’t want to throw it in the oceans! Unfortunately I feel a bit sad about having bought into the whole way of mass consumerism, but here we are. I can only go forward from this moment, trying to make more conscious decisions that are more honoring to our Mother, and clear myself to be the best conduit I can for her. So instead of throwing everything away, whatever I don’t sell will be donated to schools and day care centers, hospital and senior center, and they will be able to use it however they see fit (so many art projects and ways for people to express their inner selves is available through the stuff I have to get rid of.)

I really feel like I am going to blow up my ovaries with all this intense energy coming through! Either that or (and more likely) I am pressure washing my ovaries, womb and sacred feminine areas that have been built up with some major junk, stripping away bits and pieces at a time, cleansing, cleansing. This is probably why I have been feeling like spring cleaning at the start of winter, getting rid of things I don’t want or need anymore. Feels good! So good, being embraced by the clouds watching the rainbow waves of light shining through…

I’ve been experiencing really intense dreams that feel just as real as this reality – if not more so! Sometimes I have the same people showing up in my dreams, and they were childhood friends. Even though I rarely talk with them physically, now and again they show up and I can’t help but feel like we have always been connected, meeting as children, and continuing to work on the etheric levels through our dreams and higher selves…

Namaste

Remembering Atlantis ~ Mother Goddess

 

Day 48 ~ 11/17/10

 

I love waking up in our front room, in front of our big windows after the light of the moon and stars have shone on us all night. It is more comfortable to sleep in our bed, but after our meditations we sometimes just sleep where we are. Waking up to the sun shining on my face and body feels like the most natural way in the world to wake up.

All day I received hints from my past with Atlantis. Whether you believe in it or not, I lived there before it “sank”, feeling into the memories that are stored within my cell walls, feeling like my life there is a distant memory, not just a story. Watching videos of Keisha, Little Grandmother, speaking of Atlantis and Mother earth, meeting with my friend and talking with him about Indonesia yesterday, receiving some Atlantic oracle cards in the mail today, creating artwork that is vivid in colors and remind me of sounds…feeling like the sounds of creation that was once a part of my life a long, long time ago. 

I pulled my first oracle card, and it was Moonstone. Perfect! There is a full moon coming up in four days, I started my moon time, I have some Moonstone liquid crystals on hand, the timing is perfect! Moonstone represents Mother Goddess and is “one of the ruling stones of the Female path of Ascension.” (pg. 193 Liquid Crystal Oracle by Justin Moikeha Asar)

“A wise mother of the Earth I am, take my hand and let me guide you. Invite me to walk within, beside and around you, I only go where I am called. Open to the joy of emotion, I will teach you the pure language of the feminine spirit. Let my flowing Luna embrace fill you and initiate the path of compassion, nurture and motherhood.

            In the deepest, darkest, forest of your emotional being I am the light in the clearing. I hold the key to completion on the feminine path of ascension. Together let us carry the light of your soul into the emotional body, leaving harmony and balance where once was turmoil and pain.

            The goddess exists in all that I touch, inducing the love of feeling where once stood Fear. Together again we will walk by the light of the Moon, through the clouds of your completion into Oneness, reaching up we will Touch, Balance and Absolve the Sun.”  (pg. 193 Liquid Crystal Oracle)

I took my dose of Moonstone liquid crystals throughout the day, and started reading another new book by the fire today, Gene Keys by Richard Rudd. The message that was standing right in front of me was about just being. To be radiant for no reason other than just to honor being alive, this is our (my) higher purpose.

Feeling this excitement while reading and connecting with life today, I looked down at my belly and watched it pulsing! It was like my womb has it’s own heartbeat as I noticed it was similar to my heartbeat, but not quite the same. It reminded me of being pregnant and watching my baby kick the interior walls of my womb, popping it out for a moment (that was the coolest part of being pregnant!) But this pulse was conclusively different, keeping a rhythm unto itself, watching my breath lift and collapse my belly, all the while this newfound beat goes on…

Oon Rahum Abwun = nothingness.

Namaste

FOR GIVING

 

Day 47 ~ 11/16/10

I had a lunch date set up with a friend. I called her after waiting for 25 minutes, wondering where she was. She had simply forgotten. I used to call people (clients) to remind them of our meeting, I value my time and don’t like to waste it wondering if someone is going to show up or not.

Now, most of the time I don’t call on purpose, unless I know that the person has flaky habits and I already know that they will forget to show up if I don’t remind them. I feel like it is people’s own responsibility to remember to show up, especially if we just set up the date a day or two in advance. How hard is it to remember, or write it down? Is that not going with the flow, or is that being in integrity with your word? (However, I DO appreciate it when my dentist calls to remind me of our appointment that was set up 6 months in advance…I don’t always remember that appointment!)

Nevertheless, I’ve grown tired of policing people, and I take the chance of being blown off, or not, by not calling. I am kind of using this as a way of testing myself, to see if I go into judgment one way or another. If I do, I ask myself why, and if I don’t then no worries. So when she didn’t show up, (after 10 minutes I felt like she wasn’t coming) I was able to sit outside in the sun, chatting with my mom on the phone, then eating my lunch on a wonderful fall day, talking with perfect strangers who happened to sit down next to me.

I was also grateful to run into a dear friend who I haven’t seen for a while. He and his wife had recently returned from a trip to Indonesia, a place where I’d LOVE to visit. He shared with me the amazing adventures they had, and how beautiful the local people were. The land has gotten quite a negative rap for being a bad place to visit, but once again, people’s perceptions have a way of meaning absolutely nothing most of the time.

So even though one set of plans fell through, another divine plan came along to replace it, and it was just as good, if not better! No need to get mad or upset, this is the epitome of going with the flow. How can one receive anything new if they are holding on so tightly to the old? Doesn’t matter what it is, this conclusion works in every single aspect of life.

The snow is coming, and Dakar has a snow removal business. He is working on selling it to truly reclaim his freedom, but for now, he is still working it, and learning life lessons every step of the way. When he’s not fully prepared, he gets pretty edgy, stressed out, and downright annoying (to me), demanding perfection from everyone including himself, and harshly judging when it doesn’t happen the way he wants it to. Today, a vendor that he has been using for the past 16 years, who have always been there for him and they have a great working relationship with one another, made a mistake due to lack of communication, Dakar lost his peace within and allowed his shadow to take over. He told me that he was never, ever going to do business with them again. I asked him how on earth his business would have ever survived and grown if people didn’t give him a second chance, or third, or fourth, fifth and sixth? I understand that he was angry in the moment, and probably just needed to blow off the steam.

It brought up a good point though, where have you (I) lost our compassion toward others in a stressful situation? Have you ever discontinued a relationship due to your own judgments? Have you ever not given someone a second chance? Do you feel bad or guilty about it ~ enough to be humble and forgiving about it? If we only gave each person one chance, we would quickly run out of options! We would all be traveling the world until over 6 billion people were exhausted as our contacts!

I have made lots of mistakes in business and in life, and people have cut ties with me, and me them. I remember one client that I had a regular floral account with. They gave me creative license to do whatever I wanted because they trusted my work. So one particular arrangement I made for them they didn’t care for – it was out of the ordinary, but not over the top at all – still very conservative and widely requested by other customers. They said “You’ve done so much work for us and we have loved every single one of your arrangements, but not this one.” I replaced it for them at no charge with a bouquet that I know they are always happy to receive, and let them keep both bouquets….and they never ever used me as a florist again. This allowed me the opportunity to judge them as being petty and mean, and I let everyone know about it. Classic case of Lose/Lose scenario.

It doesn’t really matter that they didn’t continue to use my services, but I was not in a place to understand how to let it go in that moment (and for months afterward). This happens so often, what restaurant do you not go to anymore because you had bad food once? What store, place or friend have you discontinued visiting because of this unforgiving behavior? Is it worth it? What action(s) can you take in your life right now to make it better, let it go, or simply change the way it is affecting you? Make a list and get started, we all have them!

As Dakar and I began our work tonight, we started off by rubbing each other with eucalyptus oil on our backs and necks. My back was still hurting, I continue to tweak it by moving boxes and preparing for our move at the end of the month, not giving myself adequate time to heal, and Dakar tweaked his neck by staying stressed out. I think he was just jealous of my hurt back and he wanted to be a victim too – how’s that – sympathy victims! Ha ha ha! Waah waah waah! Somebody call Whine – one - one and get the Waaaambulance for us please!

As I was rubbing the oil on Dakar’s back, touching him I could see his heart still surrounded in armor. There was a decent amount of light shining through the armor, and flakes of skin colored energy were being released from his back, rising and dissolving back into source energy. The deeper into Dakar’s body I looked, the darker and denser these flakes became, solidifying around his heart, making up the core of his body. (This is not new for me, when I am truly connecting with my own self, I can touch someone and see visual clues that tell me what is going on in their life. I started noticing it when I was getting massages, seeing angels, Buddha’s, colors, etc. and validating them with the massage therapists, and of course Dakar. I feel like one day I won’t have to physically touch someone to receive this information, that I’ll be able to tune in from anywhere and have access. I can already do this with some plants and trees, and with my kids and some close family members…)

I began my ovary breathing and in an instant a beautiful light grid was in and surrounding my ovaries! I can see the flow of energy and lighted geometric shapes, trillions of them – like snowflakes – each combining together to make a larger connection, each emitting its own light to combine and make a tremendous cooperative glow of energy. Not as much effort is required when I am on my moon time to tap into my emotions and the deep well of my being…it does feel as if my ovaries will explode! I feel like it is this concentrated energy flowing through places within that have been dormant for hundreds or thousands of years. Its going in and cleaning out my dark secrets, exercising muscles that have been shoved aside, collecting dust and drama. Whew, this is some work here, but still worth it!

Namaste

Conscious Harmony

 

Day 46 ~ 11/15/10

My back felt good all day until I picked up the kids after school. It’s amazing how a minor shift of energy can set off a whole chain of events. By myself, I was able to keep peace within, no stress, letting things roll off if they came up, enjoying the shift from yesterday's roller coaster ride.

I’m not blaming the kids, they were at school, playing and being kids, but they don’t have any filters to understand that their energy doesn’t always match the atmosphere they are entering. I think this is neither good or bad, it just is. To teach them awareness of it though, that might be helpful for all of us.

It is said that in some Native American tribes (and probably many other conscious communities living in harmony with one another and Mother Earth) have a tradition of honoring the energy within the camp. When the men go off to hunt and come back, usually their adrenaline is really pumping, their energy very elevated. They are to stay outside the camp until they have cleared their minds and brought their energy back into a peaceful level that matches that of the inner camp, only then can they enter. If they don’t, then the whole community can be disrupted and disharmony tends to happen.

I believe most households don’t observe and practice this tradition in today’s world. It is apparent by men and women complaining and blaming each other, and I bet they don’t even know why. I notice this all the time when Dakar comes home, the energy of the house is at my level, and it gets completely shifted when he walks in with something on his mind…and vice versa.

I have tried to implement this way of honoring one another in our home, it is very difficult to remember to do. I am just as much to blame as any member of our family for not holding true to this practice…however, when it does happen, even if it is just reminding the kids and I to all breathe for a few moments together to get in sync with one another, the results are amazing! The kids actually take turns talking, and I have let go of my thoughts and to do lists for the moment and actually hear what they are talking about. There seems to be an elevated level of mutual respect, honoring all involved (even if it is just the kids and I, Dakar and I, or just me!)

I did get a lovely interruption to my mind worrying about my son and his love of guns and war. He brought home a project that he completed in class (allowing me to love and appreciate his teacher and what she is teaching even more). It was a paper simply titled “I AM”. Maybe my perception is different than what the intention of the project was, but that is all I AM (ha ha ha!) I will let you feel your own internal guidance about what this means for you, but I am particularly fond of his “I UNDERSTAND” ~ that made me cry!

How fitting is it then, when Dakar and I were sounding Oon Rahum,this evening, honoring our Mother that the tears flowed freely once more, weeping for my sister and other loved ones of the human race recently departed, crying until a sense of peace and love filled me, knowing that their souls are in a state of perfection, that in this moment, they understand this divine dance of light we are all dancing to right now.

Namaste

540* Roller Coaster Riding

 

Day 45 ~ 11/14/10

Argh! Does it ever get any better? What does better look like, anyway? This morning Dakar asked me a question, and as typical I responded with a sarcastic joking answer. He was preemptively ready for me to be in resistance to his question, like he was waiting for me to get upset. So not even a second passed between the time I uttered my last word, before I could get in a cheesy smile, he yells at me for being a bitch all the time, then he storms out of the room without communicating about it. Geez, I felt like we were Dustin and Emily fighting like little kids do. You started it, no you did, no you did…kind of funny now…the sad thing was, is after he yelled at me, I took it personally and yelled at the kids for no reason. Such a viscous, viscous cycle.

Sometimes, no, most of the time, I can’t stand it when Dakar is home. I feel like there is no room for me to do what I want at any time – STILL! Why do I still feel this way? I wouldn’t want to change it, he is an amazing man, but I continue to have issues. What haven’t I moved through yet that allows me to be in our home without judgments of what I feel like I “should” be doing? Part of it is I don’t feel like it’s also my home. I still feel like I am living in Derek’s house. I think that this is why so many control issues come up, because I’m uncomfortable living in a house that doesn’t feel like I’m co-owner of, so I try to compensate by trying to control any situation I can. Doesn’t always make for peaceful co-existence, and certainly not for sacred union.

Another movie tonight, Dan in Real Life. I loved the real emotions of the movie. It was done in a way that this could be anyone’s life. The sorrow, the love, the parenting, the letting go, the finding new, all of it done in such a simple way, that the movie wasn’t contrived. We watched behind the scenes, and the filmmakers were passionate about presenting it in such a real, “homegrown” way. It really showed. It reminded me that it’s okay to continue to live life and do things in this world, while still working on my spiritual world. I am not above these emotions of passion and heartbreak. In fact, all of these human emotions are here to live through. Our lessons are from the everyday.

More than anything, I want to be able to trust myself fully, in any dimension. To be 100% open and clear so that I may serve in whatever capacity in can in any given moment, fully knowing that this is source, this is my truth shining through.

After clearing the channels with some ovary breathing this evening, having the circuit complete in record time, the cycle of energy is becoming almost instantaneous throughout my body, even reaching up into my skull and into my bodies beyond.

Starting to breathe Oon Rahum Hashem, I saw a vision of Christ nailed to his cross, in the air, like he was floating up to the sky, still facing the earth. He was surrounded by a brilliant golden light, and I could see cords that were attached to his body, stretching up to the galactic center of source and all that is. I feel an intense sadness for all of us humans who have forgotten this connection, that we have it too. We cut our life source that is pumping life blood into us as soon as we exit our mother’s wombs. We are instantly dumped onto a planet and told “good luck”, try to find your way…

This disconnection surrounds us as we look first to our parents, then to society, then to teachers, and some of us, finally back to ourselves to find what we have been searching for our whole human life(s).

I saw my own connection forming again, my umbilical cord that attaches my body and soul to the great galactic center. It is upon me, and yet, still seems so distant. I do my best to will it down, to attach itself to me so that I may be fully connected with one. I am told that I mustn’t force this attachment. When I am ready, really ready, it will happen, until then, keep working, keep clearing, and I will know when grace is ready to descend upon me.

Then, my sister came in and reminded me that I am also doing this work for my family, for my genetic connections. I don’t know if she has reincarnated or not, but I was overcome with emotions, and I wept, sobbed and really cried. I cried because I miss being able to call her just to say hi. Just the human emotions of missing someone who has passed on, continuing to grieve and let go in my own way and in my own time.

I turned to my side and allowed Dakar to really hold me, my heart breaking wide open as I understood that no matter how human and bitchy I can get, he is always there, ready to be vulnerable and accept me unconditionally at the end of the day. As I lay on his naked chest he started kissing the top of my head and I felt like I was once again a holographic body, laying naked within the earth. The waterfall and pools of water were a part of my body, the moss and leaf covered soil rich with earthen minerals came to life, protruding like lips as I realized this was Dakar’s lips kissing my hair and forehead. His arms were the roots and branches of the trees and I watched as they wrapped themselves around me, this vision happening at the same time it was physically happening between Dakar and myself. I really didn’t know which world was real – they both were.

Sinking, surrendering softly with an open, exposed vulnerable and broken heart, I wept for my sister and many others, I wept for myself and many others, it was just my turn to weep and let it go. Dakar continued to hold me, offering me an embrace and comfort that only a true open heart can give to one another.

It was so easy then, to allow the gentle caress to consume me, willingly giving myself to Dakar, allowing the lovemaking to freely flow between us, it was like making love to Gaia and God all at the same time.

I fell asleep as a brilliant blanket of light descended upon me bathing me in its glow, wrapping me in a cozy snuggle, and healing me in the depths of its vibration as I slept peacefully until the morning light lit up my face, the cool dawn waking all as a new day began.

What an interesting cycle this day was, living what seemed to be a whole lifetime in the matter of hours.

Children Are Our Teachers

 

Day 44 ~ 11/13/10

My children continue to show me the way of the world. Today, Emily came up to me after I had put a song on that I really like, and in her softest, most compassionate voice (without even trying), she puts her hands on my knees, looks straight into my eyes, and says “Mom, actually I’m a little tired of this song, could we please change it? You know, like when you get tired of my songs and want me to change them, I just don’t feel like listening to this right now.” Way to go kiddo! Although I'm not sure why, I can't seem to stop playing his music ~ check out Rafael Sotomayor "Hanging" with nature.

Wow! I know it’s so simple, but these are the things, the small, little moments that are so easy to overlook in everyday life, that when recognized, makes life feel so grand. And the days are just packed with them! Like source coming through various people, just asking to be acknowledged, to show me pieces of heaven all the time. Even with all the pain, how can I not be grateful for everything? And not a yah, that’s cool grateful, but a deep rooted gratitude for the life that just is that surrounds me.

I haven’t watched a movie in a while, it’s part of me getting over the addiction I have to being brain dead, letting someone else do all the imaginary work for me…but sometimes, it’s nice to relax as well. We watched Becoming Jane, a movie depicting the young life author Jane Austen. It was actually really good. As a picture is worth a thousand words, anything else can be viewed from many angles, just depends on where one’s perspective is coming from.

The movie is set in the latter part of 1700’s, early 1800’s, and it was a very good reminder of the emotional repression that women had to endure in this time. Being prone to arranged marriages without “Affection” (or love), where the couple in an engagement might not have a say in their marriage, especially if it was more of a financial business arrangement between the families where the children are just pawns in a game, being used for someone else’s gain. I know that this has gone on for centuries, and in a way, it is still happening.

There are many parents who sell their children to the world, and especially in the United States where fame and fortune over rule personal discrimination on a daily basis. Children are being sold into a world of glamour (beauty pageants, movies, modeling and prostitution just to name a few) without even considering the wants and emotional requirements of the child. It’s like the parents have not grown up themselves, and through their children they can have their own childhood fantasies fulfilled.

Even if a child is not sold to Hollywood, guess what? They ARE still being sold, in your home, EVERYDAY. In my home too…even though we don’t watch cable TV, we still have ads on the computer. The kids at school talk about what’s going on with TV, playdates at friends houses expose them to things I don’t. Boy scouts, Girl scouts – they sell cookies and popcorn to try to make a buck, the schools send them home with fundraising “stuff” to sell all the time, hyping them up with promises of “an extra recess” or “win a prize if you sell the most stuff”. Local sports teams sell ad space to business owners.

I’m not saying all of this is BAD, but I do believe it’s teaching our kids to sell themselves as a national pastime.  Kids stop pretending to be superhero’s at an earlier age, and get obsessed by stuff. I can barely walk into some people’s houses without stepping all over thousands of toys – in each household! REALLY? Do they really need that many toys?

AND, the reason I can say this, is because I’ve bought into it too. What do I do about it? I don’t have all the answers, but I believe recognizing it is a good start to the situation. Why do they have so much stuff? Why do WE have so much stuff? So many reasons, choose a couple and whittle it down to your own beliefs. If there was a fire in your house, what is of value to you worth saving? Start here, and get rid of all the rest of your stuff. Ask your kids to do this too, and stop buying them everything! Let them earn and show them that there’s more to life than shopping and trying to be like everyone else. Trust me, this process is liberating!

Starting Oon rahum tonight, I was immersed into vibrant sepia/golden light, I didn’t realize I was still favoring my back with it’s physical muscle strain and not giving 100% in my actions. As soon as I realized this, I dug deeper and worked through the pain, asking for whatever transfer needed to be made between Gaia and the heavens to happen. A smoother, much more embodied song belted out, and I felt like Dakar and I were actually singing in harmony.