Day 42 ~ 11/11/10
Funny how one day can change everything. While yesterday I was on fire, moving through creation after creation, today the fire has turned into harden lava and not flowing, at all. It’s okay though, some days are great for creation, some days are great for taking a break – just gotta know when to back off and not try to push creation on days rest wants to happen.
My kids are constantly showing me ultimate duality in action. While my daughter will tell her friend that slept over “Peace is a journey, you know. It’s NOT a destination. It really is, it’s a journey. We tell that to so and so in class all the time.” My son, on the other hand, is all about guns, military and fighting.
While many are admiring, thanking and honoring U.S. Veterans for their sacrifice and service today, I feel that being in the armed forces is a complete choice. There wouldn’t be war if men and women chose not to serve. If everyone laid down their guns and refused to fight…WHY on earth is that sooooo hard to understand?
This, coming from a mother who has very intense judgment about her son loving war, the military, guns, everything to do with fighting. Everything is a gun to him, and he play shoots at everything. I feel like even if he was never exposed to guns – ever – he would still make anything into a gun! 100th monkey theory, perhaps? I know all his friends are into it, and fighting with one another is certainly everywhere in America (as well as other places…) Still, I can’t stand it. The more I rebel against him and his path of loving war stuff, the more he loves it! What you resist, persists! Ain’t that the truth.
I used to thank people for their service, for fighting for our freedom in the U.S., for allowing me the opportunity in this country to be a woman business owner. To be a woman that is allowed to have and express my opinion, to be a woman who is allowed to walk down the street equal to my husband and be allowed to show my face. For the freedom to not be stoned to death, raped and beaten because I looked at a man the wrong way.
So is it a good thing that our country likes to invade other countries to get them to try to be like us? Is it really helping? Is it empowering? Or is it just another form of power, greed and control? I don’t follow the news very closely, so I do admit to being ignorant of some subjects…but is honoring the death and destruction of so many "in the name of ______(insert your cause here)_____" really helping? Can there be a different way to empower without the bloody mess? Or is this all okay, just a part of it all? Like when Mother Nature destroys in order to rebuild?
Anyway, I know it is my son’s path he is choosing for himself right now, and I really am clueless as to how to let my judgments go about it. What am I supposed to be learning from this experience? How can I support him and get over my judgments? Is it my own fear of death and control? Is it my own fear of physiological wounding that we would all have to face if he ever really killed someone?
I walked into his room tonight to tuck him in and give him a kiss goodnight, as is our tradition. And, like most nights, he has an invisible rifle made with his hands and arms pointed at me. I turned and walked out of the room and he immediately “got rid of it”. I told him that I couldn’t kiss and tuck him in every night if he shot me…and that I love him very much no matter what. He does know that, he is very sensitive, but acts out with play violence and picking on his little sister.
Maybe I’m not supposed to “fix it” to my perfect preferences, but at this point I don’t even understand it. People say, “oh it’s his age, hell grow out of it.” What if he doesn’t? What if he grows up, joins the military and gets killed? What if he kills some other mother’s son or daughter? Sigh, does it have to be this way? Some people think it will always be this way – and I must ask WHY?????
Am I living a pipe dream to imagine world peace? I am no Miss America (which by the way, why does a panel of judges get to pick Miss America from 50 contestants, when the American population only gets to chose who will be President from 2 candidates?), am I dreaming of a world that can never exist? I like to believe that it can and will happen, in fact, I believe this with all of my heart. Is that also ignorant? Am I just meant to transcend past this so these judgments no longer affect me? Please, someone, help me to understand, because I AM NOT GETTING IT! (Guess this is where the forgiveness comes in, as I look at my previous phrase of thinking that I must GET something…) Okay, I don’t understand, but I can keep working on forgiving in every moment until there is nothing left.
Maybe our son is calling out for more guided structure in his life. He says wants to go to military school – as sensitive as he is that would harden his heart. Maybe he just likes the action of what all the war and fighting from the characters he sees in movies, and reads about in books and plays with friends. Maybe this is a part of him embracing his shadow and karmic past like I am also doing?
But if like attracts like, and we as a society keep planning on war, then how can there be anything but war? There are societies in Central America where the police don’t carry guns, and the crime rate is almost non-existent. I am more on the wavelengths of Mother Theresa when she stated that she will not march in an Anti-War rally, but she will support a Peach march. People like John Lennon who get assassinated for speaking up about their peaceful beliefs…
Namaste
No comments:
Post a Comment