Ruby Mountain

Day 40 ~ 11/9/10

Making love with Dakar this morning, traveling through a pathway, a tunnel, a very common and familiar experience for me. I was in a circular tube, the bottom lined with a black grease, slippery so that my shoes could just slide along, my body balancing upright. I follow a bright light through this dark tunnel as it illuminates only what is presently around me. I feel the rainbow energy swirling around me, entering me as I bask in this glorious pleasure.

I stop and watch the light before me and I am swept up in the darkness following me. The light and dark meet, intertwining with one another. I am at the center of the swirling mass that is now dark and light combined. I am entered and filled with this vortex of energy. I am now following within this new tunnel, clearly seeing the separate light and dark twirling together, and also witnessing the merging of these rivers.

I come upon a dark mountain, smooth and glassy. As I approach ever closer, I see it is made of ruby stone. A large, ruby mountain, multifaceted in her layers, revealing another pilgrimage to the top where a bright light is shining forth, dimly lighting the way. 

Continuing to be guided with the dark and light vortex river within and surrounding me, I climb this mountain, dark as obsidian with the hint of a red glow, quickly and gently reaching the top. There is a rush of energy entering into the center of the mountain, starting to shine through. I crest the top and my heavenly juices explode in a sparkling fireworks show, cascading down the mountain, polishing the outside of this ruby mountain.

Dakar then releases inside of me and I watch the simultaneous explosion of light burst inside the ruby mountain. His energy is filling it up, illuminating the ruby from the inside while my energy polishes the mountain on the outside. Together the Ruby Mountain (the jewels of my womb) comes alive, no longer dormant and shines magnificently in the vast darkness that surrounds it. A mountain, a beacon within itself, once again ignited, warming up at an idle, waiting for movement.

How far is too far? What constitutes TOO radical? Is it as simple as mere judgment? Yes, the idea of snapping and setting off on a cross country bike tour right at the start of winter feels thrilling! Could I do it? How do I know when NOT to act on the flow of Shakti? The only thing unreasonable about this is the excuses from myself, from Dakar and my family…

My mom wants to go back East and finish taking care of the articles my sister left behind when she passed. We talked about December, and what if I just didn’t get back on the plane? I could easily acquire a bicycle and ride home, staying south to stay warm. Dakar will have to figure out how to deal with his shadow pieces, taking care of the kids while he is engulfed in the prime time of his business. It would probably take me about a month or less, depending how the journey goes…the kids would be fine, I can already feel this. Maybe a postcard or two sent to say “Hi”.

What if I’m so afraid to die that I never really live? I have my sister to help show me that her death is a chance for me to really live.

I discussed this wave of shakti that settled upon me, keeping me awake all night, with Dakar this afternoon. Of course, he says “we’ll see”. Hmmmm…. His choice of what he feels is right and wrong cannot persuade me to stay or go. This has an effect on WE, but would not be anyone else’s choice but mine to make in the moment if it feels right or not. He would be concerned about my safety, and that it’s winter, and how to take care of the kids by himself, and that I am being selfish, and….

And what? How come one on their path to enlightment in other countries is completely supported? People open up their houses to men in India, for perhaps a glimpse of their own connection to source. Why is it not as supported for women? Is it the old, masculine way of doing things to wander in solitude for a time? Do women gain from this kind of experience too, or are we to work on our spirit only with the support of others, primarily a man, in sacred union?

Under Pressure...

Turned away from it all like a blind man

Sat on a fence but it don’t work

Keep coming up with love

But it’s so slashed and torn

Why, why, why?

Love, love, love, love

Insanity laughs, under pressure we’re cracking

Can’t we give ourselves one more chance

Why can’t we give love one more chance

Why can’t we give love, give love, give love, give love

Cause love’s such an old fashioned word

And love dares you to care

For the people on the edge of the night

And love dares you to change our way of

Caring about ourselves

This is our last dance
This is our last dance

This is ourselves

Under pressure
Under pressure

Pressure