Divine Body Vessel

Day 34 ~ 11/3/10

Seems now when I think about visiting a chiropractor, my body does the work that needs to happen on its own, and I end up not going because I feel like Humpty Dumpty was put back together again. I love you body!

I went swimming today, we have the privilege of trading some work with a place that has an outdoor heated pool year round, so we can swim even when it is snowing in the winter! Last year I committed to learning how to swim – I’ve never been very good at it. The breathing underwater thing freaked me out. With each lap I would concentrate on a different verse of my Bodi Satva vow, and just be in the moment of swimming. I felt very supported, seeing many angels in the clouds and finding center every time I chose to swim. I have been very connected with water this year…

Today I focused on swimming with intention. I was holding the kickboard, kicking my legs, asking for my womb to be open and clear. With the swimmy cushion thingy between my knees, working my arms I asked for my heart to be open and clear. When I combined the strokes into a full swim, I could feel and see the reflection of an infinity loop, running from my womb to my heart and back again, fluidly moving through the water, fluidly moving through my body.

I am noticing that my yoni, g spot, clitoris and womb feel stimulated when I read or hear a piece of truth that fits into my puzzle. What a fascinating revelation! To feel a sexual charge of pleasure with the presence of truth ~ way cool! It used to be that I would cry or become extremely emotional in an instant when the truth was pointed out to me. Could I really be transforming myself to recognize pleasure over pain? Knowing that when I do experience pain it is okay, and to go deep within it to move through. Oh! My husband will love this! If I am in my truth more often feeling pleasure then I naturally want to share it with him, offering him a place for pleasure as well.

Tonight, standing in front of our big, open windows, naked and looking out into the starry sky, I see a bluish crystal liquid energy flowing through the ovarian veins of light and dark. Cold liquid like freezing ice water as I breath into my ovary meditation. Continuing to wake up pathways and places that have been dormant within for quite some time…

I remember that this experience is not a to do list, and that I will take the time for quiet reflection between each meditation. It is an opportunity to dive deep within each exercise, gaining a little more clarity, having a little more be revealed each time. Baby steps or as much as I am to handle at any given moment. It has come time for me to really learn how to trust the reflections that come up for me, instead of having to ask someone else for my clarity.

Before we start our Oon Rahum meditation, Dakar and I take the time to talk about our day, we find that we have had very similar experiences. Our connection runs deep, and even though stuff shows up in different ways for us, so much of the core reflections are the same, or very similar.

Starting Oon Rahum, I was immersed in such extraordinary sexual energy, I felt as if I were swimming in a river of pure love, like the divine mothers themselves created this river and swam in them. I set my intentions of connecting deeper with the divine mothers, to swim as they swam, to understand, embrace and share as they have done for centuries. Tapping into the river on Oon, sending up this energy in offering Rahum and singing divine praise and gratitude with love, singing out Malaha to the mothers…mmmmm…

Physically, I feel much better, clearer and more focused when I don’t eat the processed sugars and breads, what they call “refined food”. Yah right – food is nourishing, not depleting! I also find myself in a much deeper connection to living all the meditations when I am completely naked. There are no layers, no masks, just my body being free to let come up what may! Of course, the fire and a light blanket help the chills…oh I am loving my divine vessel!

It seems like Dakar only did the meditation for 15-20 minutes. He was winding down just as I felt I was starting to go deeper within. I know he felt my sexual energy, it was really intense, maybe he was just anxious for me to shower him with passion? Maybe he just connects faster than I do. It’s always taken me a bit longer to warm up. When I bike it usually takes me 3-5 miles to warm up on the dirt, 5-7 miles on pavement. This is why I used to ride a few miles before any race – to warm up and be ready right out of the starting gate. In meditations I seem to let my mind calm down before I can fully connect. In foreplay, well, that sometimes has taken me forever to warm into!

Is it the same for all masculine and feminine? Men are usually chomping at the bit to just dive in and go, women usually like to take their time…in swimming, Dakar will jump right into the water, I like to get my feet wet and ease my way into the water, slowly warming up for a couple of laps before beginning a full on swimming exercise. (Although, Dakar does spend more time primping in the bathroom than I do! :~) ha ha ha)

Then BOOM! Just like that, it is interesting how the whole entire game can change in an instant. After this amazing and powerful sexual energy coursing though my body and Dakar’s body, we went into yoni gazing. I had the intention of releasing myself to him, having a wonderful night of passionate love making.

Almost as soon as the gazing started, Dakar thought that I was closed because my lips were folded a certain way. He asked to move them, but I suggested that we just let them be how they want to be. He ended up putting a mental projection on himself and me, that as hard as he was trying to force love into me, I wasn’t opening up fast enough. I felt neutral and peaceful, but my womb must have sensed otherwise because she closed off to him. I have committed to her that I will always honor her, and only unconditional love is allowed. If she feels otherwise (and this is a completely different feeling than me mentally shutting off) then Dakar is not allowed to enter me in a physical way.

We discussed what was going on and he admitted to having a slight thought of projection. He wanted me to open up quicker so we could be done with gazing and be making love. My womb felt this and said “no way” – this does not feel unconditional. WOW. Certainly nothing ever looks the same way twice!