Did you remember to put love in there?

Day 30 ~ 10/30/10

Kid’s quote of the day:

This morning the kids were making pancakes.

Emily says “Wow Dustin! You are a really good cook!”

“Yeah, but I made the batter too thin.” replies DJ.

“Did you remember to put love in it?” asks Emily.

“Maybe, maybe not.” DJ grins back.

Dakar and I worked on the first gate again tonight, and when he placed his right hand on my yoni, I was immediately nauseous. Maybe I should have worked through this feeling and threw up if I needed to, but I asked him to switch hands. His left hand placed on me softened his energy (and mine too) and allowed me to just be at peace and receive the love he was giving.

There must have been something more I didn’t dive deep enough within to discover, but my tummy ended up hurting all night. My whole family was restless in the house this evening. I woke up at 4 a.m. to find my son watching a movie (How to Train Your Dragon – seemed appropriate!), then I couldn’t sleep for the next couple of hours.

I tried anal breathing to help transmute the nausea, then I laid down, put a rose quartz stone in my belly button and concentrated on breathing into each channel of my Shakti circuit. I felt so much flooding energy entering and rushing through, feeling the unique sensation that each channel holds. Feeling the sexual energy pass through, I got excited and skipped over the lips of my yoni as I was running my circuit. Wonder if that was significant of me not fully going into the pain that is being stored there at this moment?

When I reached the 7^th gate of my Shakti circuit, I was in a vast space of peace and humility. I dozed off here for a while, swimming in this place while dreaming. I woke up and finished my circuit, connecting back to the starting point.

Dakar woke up and true to his form was fondling me again. He was trying to push me into making love because he felt like I needed to release. He said he wanted me give myself freely. Well, there is a difference between giving myself freely and being told/pushed into giving freely. So yes, I had resistance!

We laid there and held each other instead, softening into each other without any perceptions, just enjoying the presence of another. I dreamed that we were being treated like King and Queen and that I was pregnant with twins. It was a very public birth and I was adamant about having a home delivery with a lotus birth. (This is where the umbilical cord is not cut from the baby/placenta at birth, and allows the baby to complete his or her birth experience without separation trauma…having a much more organic birth experience.) My kids were standing watch as protectors of their new brother and sister, knowing that this birth was very significant, like new leaders were being born. Some would listen to their words and take action, doing the work for their own self discovery, and others would merely follow them, as beings outside of themselves. Not looking inward, just wanting a path to follow. This was all perfect in itself, knowing that we are all taken care of and everything was perfect.

Perhaps this is just significant of Dakar and I rebirthing ourselves? Maybe we were the twins being born again, this time in a conscious way. I woke up and told Dakar about this dream and we both felt that if it was meant to be, we would be okay with birthing another child into this world, or not.