Day 29 ~ 10/29/10
Of course, after last night, I wasn’t thrilled to get up so early. I love waking up organically instead. Alas, today was Friday, and a Halloween party for the kids at their school. I mechanically got up and dressed, and felt like I was going against my flow that wanted to happen for this morning. Why? I was tired and wanted to sleep, and didn’t really want to be around people that I would just end up having a shallow conversation with.
It turned out fine, it was actually fun to be with the kids, see them all dressed up and playing for Halloween. I like my daughter’s teacher, in order for the kids to get a treat, they had to earn it at the different stations. My station had the kids learning math flashcards for their treats, others focused on language, etc. The kids had fun and ate a lot of candy (especially my daughter)…hmmm…time for me to chill out on being a health freak too, I guess.
Understanding what it’s like to be a control freak, it was also easy for me to see that the new principal of the school is also quite the control freak. I can already see the teachers starting to lose respect for her because she has to be in control every step of the way. She doesn’t trust them to be teachers and do their job without her, and it’s very hard for her to let the kids just be kids. I mean to almost not let the kids wear costumes to school because it would be too much of a distraction? To what? A distraction that doesn’t allow them to just be a child? They already are not allowed to wear masks (okay) or face paint because “the grease from the paint could ruin the books” (ummmm, when have kids ever gotten any studying in on a party day?). How about that she announced over the loudspeaker that she would come by every classroom and excuse the classes to go to the school parade? So not efficient, so not allowing the teachers to lead their own classrooms. I know, I know, this is my judgment – but where does it end? Do I speak up at my discontent, or let it run its course, after all, it’s really not affecting me, and the kids don’t seem to care, but the teachers do, and when the teacher’s are affected, then the kids are also affected…? Going to have to look in deep and see if it is in my truth to do something about this…
Last night’s triple play took it’s toll physically on my body! I developed the worst stomach cramps, and was on the toilet, releasing everything for probably more than an hour this evening. Ouch, something is moving…!
I went to bed early and didn’t do any yoni gazing with Dakar. It’s funny though, I don’t think the work stops just because I go to bed. So often I feel like I am “working and exploring” in my dreams. Sometimes I am just witness to what is going on, sometimes I feel as if my dreams are a reality, and I am an active participant within them.
Tonight in my dream, I was in a room with someone else. We were creating a big blue ball of energy. I took it over and through my work and effort, this ball of energy grew and became deeper and more powerful. I held it up and it expanded over me, like a black and blue swirling hole growing over my head. I looked up into this hole and was sucked in, like a vortex swallowing me up. I went through many doorways within this different universe and was suddenly spat back out into the same room I had just come from, only I was hanging upside down! I wonder if this is real or a dream, it feels so very real…
It’s like I started out with someone helping me on my journey, co-creating a new space to walk into then I took my life back and I became deeper and had more "control" over my life or source flow within my life. Through my experiences of walking through many open doors, my perspective completely changed what my world looked like, therefore going back into the same life with a 180 degree perspective (me hanging upside down), knowing that nothing is real, but yet it is, but it isn't.
Like the Zen saying: First there are mountains, then there are no mountains, then there are mountains again. According to Jean Klein in his book “I AM” he explains “First the mountains are objects and are called real by the ignorant. Then they are not seen as objects because the subject/object relationship evaporates. But then from the global view they are seen again, not as object mountains but as expressions of oneness. The mountains now appear within totality.”
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