“In truth, I am free.”

Day 55 ~ 11/24/10

  

Ha ha ha! After yesterdays validation quest, I draw Sapphire, a stone connected with spiritual truth. “Be sure that you’re being truthful, with self and others. Love as thought is truth; truth at the level of spirit is unconditional love, the very presence of the infinite self. Remember always, that the measure of truth starts within the self, if you are right within, you will be right in the world.” (pg. 240 ‘Liquid Crystal Oracle by Justin Moikeha Asar)

Painting with digital brushes, blues of sapphire, oceans and feelings of cleansing come through to dance with me today. I listen to inspiring music (such as Raphael Sotomayer) while cleaning house and creating art. A friend had recently asked me to create some calendars for her and I received them in the mail today, very pleased with the results I ordered some for my whole family! I may or may not ever sell anything ever again, and I am dancing with joy today because it truly does not matter.

Even when we went out and my 7 yr old daughter had her wallet stolen today - we put it in the cart and she went to pay for the item she wanted to buy and her wallet was gone. We searched everywhere – I even remember assisting her to put it into the cart. I didn’t make a big deal of it, and neither did she. We both agreed on how we/she could do things differently next time so that it didn’t happen again, and we let it go. My son would have been devastated if it was his, so I hope he learned from this lesson as well!

I have been experiencing a lot of light/astral travel in my dreams and meditations, a lot of geometric transmissions and light geometry appearing. It would be so beautiful if I could just take a photo of what shows up inside my head to share, but it is ingrained in my cellular memories and I am open to just creating what will flow through me in the images I do create, without having to re-create my visions. When I try to recreate them, they just organically take their own twist to what is feeling appropriate in the moment anyway!

In my dream tonight, it was revealed to me that I have a HUGE shadow/monster within me waiting, scratching at the trap door to reveal itself, to come out and be free! I was shown this, and I felt like I was too small to handle the monster. It was presented to me that it was a monster that the whole world has been suppressing, and it was up to me to deal with it, like the underdog hero’s of any Disney movie. I looked at the ones presenting me with this information, and I realized that I could do it. I said “So it is up to me to clear my womb and be pristine so I can handle it when it comes through me to transform.” My teacher smiled knowing that I was “understanding it”, and I was happy that I had more time to prepare!

In my dream we were in a beautiful house with yellow shag carpeting, protruding up like a poltergeist where trapped energy was trying to get through. My son was standing on top, holding it in, not able to hold it much longer. Black and white text appeared on a computer screen, in Arabic or Aramaic, kind of Matrix-y looking, orbs all around. The orbs have multiplied and are staying close, like angels protecting me and all of humanity. I am seeing them everywhere, in dream state and in waking state! Look at recent pictures taken in the evening or at night with a flash and you will probably notice them too – if you haven’t already.

I was sleeping, I knew I was, and I was actively working on my meditation practices in my dream state. My dreams are just a story, but they do remind me of what is going on inside – this energy monster wanting to get out feels like a piece of stored karmic history that will reveal itself in due time, waiting for me to accept the pain or memories stored within, transforming them so it no longer grasps my energy, pulling me into patterns of old that no longer serve.

I wonder what it is? I wonder what I could have done in a past life that could have been so completely horrific that it has been keeping me in patterns of feeling wrong and unworthy for lifetimes? I understand it will be a story, a story of the past, not defining who I am today, but it has played it’s part so well, huh? Probably just a little piece that feels really big because I am not bigger than it yet? 

Courage means to speak your mind with your heart.

Namaste