Just say “NO”

Day 71 ~ 12/10/10         

My Message From God Today (and yesterday):

On this day of your life, Gaiel, we believe God wants you to know ... that until you learn how to say 'no', you will never be able to fully say 'yes'.

Unless you know how to set boundaries to form your safe space, you will always be concerned that saying 'yes' might put you in danger. So you will always pull back a little from saying 'yes' with your whole heart. Paradoxically, knowing how to say 'no' to form boundaries gives much more power to your 'yes'.

I know who I am saying NO to today! It was the beginning of the day and as I got up and checked my emails, I received an interesting question in my inbox. A bride I had done wedding photography for in July just contacted me. I haven’t corresponded with her since August, now it’s December. Evidently I spelled her name wrong, “Sarah” instead of “Sara”. She asked if I would remake the photo discs I burned for her to change the spelling. The CD’s work fine. My husband’s given name is Derek, he gets addressed as Darryl, Derrick, Dirk, Erick, Dakar, Asshole…etc. My given name is Gail, I get called Gale, Dale, Snail, Whale, Pail, Bitch, Meany, Sweetie, etc.

My first question was “Seriously?” Oops, sorry I misspelled your name. Does this affect the quality of the pictures? It is a private CD for her own use, I am sure hundreds of people have also spelled her name “wrong”. Should I change it or is this a petty request? My first gut instinct was to say NO. Big deal, get over it. Then as I thought about it, it wouldn’t be a big deal to say Yes and redo her CD – with new album design (I didn’t save the artwork) it would only take me an hour or so, plus supplies, plus postage. But then I wondered, why did it take her 5 months to ask me? If it was a big problem, wouldn’t she have asked me to remake it when she received it in August? So I’m feeling that there is an issue on her end of acceptance. Something irked her so much that she feels like she has to revert to pettiness to “get” something that is not necessarily going to make her happy anyway. I know how she feels, I have done the same thing, and I have never received ultimate happiness by creating waves in a petty manner, the issue always stems from a much larger, internal unhappiness. So, I am saying NO to her request (unless she wants to pay me for my time) and thanking her for the opportunity she gave me to say NO today. Thank you Sarah – I mean Sara!

So having the courage to be authentic in my truth, Facebook tends to be a fun little  playground for me. Today, I saw a post by a “friend” who is supposedly a teacher of some sort of psychological stuff or life coaching or something. She posts about liberating the soul, love and light, sh** like that. So the past couple of days, I have seen her posts and she was super excited about receiving a package in the mail that she has been waiting for. I think she ordered a backpack or something. Her friends were supportive of when she would get it, how cool it would be, etc. So, of course, I said “Why are you so focused on “getting” something?” An hour later I checked, and she had removed herself from my “friend” list. Way to go lightworker! It seems the further into my shadow I dive to find the truth of who I am, the more “lightworker friends” I have associated with in the past go away. Maybe they’re not grounded enough and the truth of living in this human existence is too heavy and the wind blows them away…(I would know, I’m getting over this condition myself!)

Anyway, the truth pops up everywhere at anytime, especially when it is inconvenient. If you’re only looking to confront the truth of your shadow when it is convenient for you, then you will stay stuck. If you run away from someone that points it out to you, then it’s not within you to face it right now. Maybe it will never be time. It’s your choice, that’s just the way it is. Not very popular work, but hey, “The truth is often harsh, but always fair.” ~ Brian Klemmer

There are workshops that create a safe place for identifying and learning about your shadow and how to work with it, but we all still have to live in this world. Until you make your everyday world a safe place, seeing every meeting or correspondence with someone as a place to practice becoming your authentic self, most likely you will live in fear and drag out the process of transforming yourself.

Anyway, this journaling is extraordinarily therapeutic for me, as I am finding after I write it, most of the time its gone. Even the “issues” I just acknowledged above have dissolved and I have no charge on them. Now, its just a story, silly in fact, and none of it is real anymore.

Continuing to clean out my womb and sexual organs every day, there are still physical symptoms that pop up, like this sharp pain in my pelvic area and a massive amount burning  pain through my right shoulder. This is associated with the recent discovery of the masculine way for centuries. Ever since the removal of the dagger, my ovary breathing energy has transformed from icy cool energy running through me to a warm, tingly energy. My joints are popping all over the place, lots of stretching and expanding. I continue to feel like I don’t fit in my body!

I am preparing to receive a Black Light transmission tomorrow night and I read up on Isis and darkness in the Christ Blueprint. I have always enjoyed being by myself, and darkness has been welcome as descending into darkness feels more and more like home every day. 

Namaste