Validation

Day 54 ~ 11/23/10

Why do we as people need to have or feel validation? I wonder if animals need validation? You could argue that dogs require it, but just as my dog comes up and greets me every time I come home, she is unconditional, and I believe would not mis-trust herself if she didn’t come up to greet me. I think she just likes to. On the other hand, she won’t eat her food if we’re not home, she will wait until we return before she eats, like if we don’t come home she will have food for later. Obviously this is my projection, I have no idea why she does what she does.

For me, I have such a deep mistrust of listening to myself, not wanting to abuse or misuse any kind of power I once carried, so I still search outside of myself for validation that what I am feeling is really my own. For instance, I received an email today from another beautiful soul that is on a very similar journey to my own, she has already worked through much of what I am currently working on, and to hear her story, that we have similar pains and symptoms, helps me relax into not feeling wrong about what I am experiencing. Sounds silly, but you probably know what I am speaking about.

Brene Brown studies this type of human behavior, and today I was inspired by her speech of shame and empathy.

I had my daughter and friend over all day, and while they played very mellow (oh, so much different than boys!) they kept asking me for ideas on what to do. “We’re bored” they’d say, and I would ask them leading questions on what they could do without telling them to do something specific. Finally, though, after hours of back and forth, I helped them start a project. This behavior just validates to me the differences of being a child and adult. A child wants to be told what to do, an adult will just act upon an idea and do it.

It helps me realize where in my life I still act like a child, those instances where I want someone to tell me what to do, or to tell me where I am “right or wrong”, and where in my life I take initiative and behave like an adult, trusting myself. All day little “validations” of encouraging me to remember and live in my authentic truth showed up for me, and as I acknowledge that I am at exactly the place I am supposed to be, I am appreciative for the validating signs and do not make them right or wrong.

Namaste