As It Is In Heaven

Day 27 ~ 10/27/10

I have been doing the Yoni Gazing and gate work consistently with Dakar for just over a month now. I can see the effects of being lazy, and of our commitment to ourselves and each other reflective in our relationship and in self. I can see how my worthiness issues come up and how softness is present when I take the time to care for myself.

Today after taking the kids to the bus stop, it felt sooooo amazing to have the freedom to say “Hmmm…what will I do today?” Then before I knew it, I had spent the next two hours taking photos of fall foliage and the steam rising over the cold Truckee river as the suns rays spilled their warmth onto the ice cold waters.

I sat on the rocks at the water’s edge, watching water drip off the icicles that had formed on a rock. I identified with a lone tree who had taken root in a rock, forming it’s own personal island.

I ran my shakti circuit for a long time, feeling the deep, penetrating and warm sunshine on my face. I didn’t get physically naked today - ha ha ha – sooooo cold -  but felt naked and humble in the beauty surrounding me. I breathed in the crisp, cool air and thanked the fairies for showing up with their magic sparkles in the water…so much fun – THIS IS LIFE!!!

Being in the flow of life, I just knew today was the day to dissolve some phone bills and contracts that I had with the business. All actions went smoother than I could have imagined! Having patience, waiting and moving when it feels like the perfect time for an action, I think this is what I am moving towards, living this flow is Shiva and Shakti?!?!

I haven’t watched a movie (aside from a few you tube spots) in over a month, and we don’t subscribe to regular T.V. in our house. It had become such a waste of time, and I didn’t care for the programs that my kids were watching, so I took the easy way to monitor TV watching and said No More! Sometimes they get upset that we don’t have video games in the house either, but eventually they’ll get over it. Or not. They can go to their friend’s houses and play age appropriate video games, just not here (besides the occasional computer and little ipod games…) they do watch movies though, I’m okay with that – there are some fantastic creations available to watch!

Anyway, we took the time to watch a Sweedish movie called ‘As It Is In Heaven’. Gorgeous! I highly recommend it as very few movies seem to reach out and touch me in a deeply emotional way. Either I’ve become very callused and emotionally numb, or so many movies lack the depth of anything more than forced-fed surface emotions, or maybe both? As within my yoni gates, this emotional numbness may have carried over to other aspects of my life as well.

I love when a movie, a comment, a movement or general conversation turns to a deep topic that reaches into one’s core, pulling out emotions and traumas that deserve to see the light of day and transformed. To see this in a movie, or a commercial, reaching out to the general public, challenging ways of viewing the world that keeps one in suppression, makes my heart fly. This is what tugs at me, filling my eyes with tears, making me want to share empathy and hug people who are getting honest within themselves.

To point out something directly in someone’s face, is sometimes the best form of love one can give. I believe some call this “ruthless compassion”. In this movie, I loved how the pastor’s wife tells him that “God doesn’t need to forgive, because God has never condemned. It is the church, judging and condemning people in one hand, and offering redemption with the other.” All for power and greed. I loved how in this movie, in the main characters search within himself, he was able to find what he was lacking, and provide the space for others to search within themselves, expressing their deep hurts, and understanding that everyone has something that they’re going through, it’s okay to share it and be done with it, not holding it in and letting that hurt hold you back forever.

*tears welling up in my eyes in remembrance of my identification with the movie’s characters*

Just beautiful.  I am inclined to believe that we are really living in our self created heaven (or hell) here on earth. Since no one really knows what is after death for sure, then why not? Why not use this lifetime to be honest with ourselves and live in heaven? What have you got to lose? We're not going to make it out alive anyway - but yet, we will (depending on your definition of "alive")!

Namaste