Day 6 ~ 10/06/10
Today I met with some people who had a family member pass away. He was a dad, a brother, a husband, a person. They were picking out flowers for his service, and it was so beautiful that even though there were several people with several differing opinions, ultimately they chose to honor this man with flowers and colors that represented him, giving up what they would do for themselves to really recognize their loved one.
If a family can do this in death, why can’t we all do it in life? I wonder if this particular family solves all disagreements this way, or if they are sometimes hard and set in their way of getting what they want. What would we really be giving up to allow some wiggle room in our lives, stepping out of the way to allow another being to walk in or through. Would you be giving up your beliefs, your path, your fight? Could you just be giving up a bit of hardness that has settled in, giving up a bit of the resistance? Would you be letting go of the need to always be right so you can actually see another person through the blinders over your eyes?
Later, I was leaving to go on a walk with some friends. Before I left the house, Dakar looked at me like he wanted to talk, but it wasn’t the time. He could see that I was still in a bit of a funk from my resistance and I promised him we would talk later. It’s like making a date to talk and get real. He won’t let me sink back into the way we were before, he has tasted freedom and will do everything possible to make sure we get there together. (I’m not even wiping my tears right now, let them flow!!!)
I took a walk with some friends to a lovely meadow, showing beautiful fall grasses, amazing clouds. I could feel the fairy friends playing in the forest, happy to be sharing their home with people who appreciate them and nature. Almost as soon as we walked into the meadow, I felt this urge to be completely naked, to feel the cool fall air on my skin, to soak up as many sun rays on my body as I could, to let my feet squish into the muddy soil from the recent thunderstorms. Dancing naked and sharing with friends…it was as if I was exclaiming to the world “GET OFF OF ME FUNK! Thank you for your presence in showing me where I must focus my attention, now it’s time to be free from your grasp!”
It’s almost as if I need to take action and do something completely radical every day in order to stay connected to feeling fully alive. I could become an adrenaline junkie in a second! But I also feel that while taking action, this could also involve certain meditation practices that also crack me open to staying fully present and alive. Learning how to get that “fix” from life until it is living me.
It brought back feelings of freedom and liberation of our amazing trip to France. (Yes, I’m still living it!) We traveled to Chamonix and took a ride up the tram to overlook Mt. Blanc. I cannot describe in words how amazing it was to break through the layer of clouds on the mountainside to gaze into the sun shining on top of the peaks…it was like experiencing a journey into heaven, mmmmmm…..
While we were up at the top of this amazing monument, we saw the gondola that will take you from France to Italy, we watched two mountain/ice climbers just as they were summiting a peak, we saw other travelers with their skis who had climbed the mountain, and of course, to witness nature in action, GASP! Her beauty is beyond words….
While standing on one platform, I felt like I had to sit down and run my shakti circuit. She had to be acknowledged up here! Still, there were circumstances preventing that from happening, too many people, the stillness that I wanted wasn’t there. I really didn’t care, I was set to do the meditation anyway. Then Dakar came over and told me he wanted to go up the elevator to the very top platform. PERFECT! It felt so completely right to wait until we were at the highest point we could go.
Once we arrived at the top, I practically fell to my knees, she was soooo breathtaking! Tears welled up as I understood once again in that moment the absolute magnificence that the universe is. Honoring mother Gaia, feeling the infinity loop course from her deep core, through my veins and all that I Am, up to father Sky and back again…I sob with the beauty of remembrance now, but in those moments, the full force of all that SHAKTI is came through. There was no thinking about it, there were no choices, there was only this force instructing me to strip down completely naked at the top of the world! I didn’t care who saw (although quite a stir was created), all I cared about was honoring the presence of ALL as naked and as raw as I could be.
I cannot explain the most raw feeling of FREEDOM and LIBERATION I experienced. When your mind gets out of the way, there is only life flowing, honoring complete freedom. Take a few moments here, and really sit quietly with what this means for you. No judgments, no mind. What would you do if no one was watching? What is your deepest fear? How much would you give to be free from your fears?
I invited Dakar to join me in this space of feeling like a newborn. What an amazing gift to be able to share this experience. So, the next day, when we rode the cog train up to visit the glacier, there was lots of fog. We asked for the sun to come out, and as we were exiting our tour of being inside a glacier, there was this most amazing ice yoni above the opening of the cave. And, the sun had started to burn off the clouds and grace us with her presence. Of course, we couldn’t let the day get away, so…
That night we headed into Switzerland. The pass we wanted to travel over was closed due to recent snow. So we turned around and headed toward Zermatt to experience the Matterhorn and 29 peaks all above 10,000 ft. AMAZING! (At this point, I was starting to miss our children, it would have been great to experience all these sites with them – we’ll take them another time! After all, when they are out of the house, Dakar and I need to remember who we are!)
So anyway, back to today…when it was coming time to leave the meadow, I was putting my clothes back on. I felt like I hadn’t had enough time in my skin, but I had to pick up the kids from the bus in just a bit. I can fully understand why some people on the path to enlightenment choose not to have children. However, the bond I have with my own children is something only someone with children can share. What an amazing gift to know during this human existence.
Later, I had a massage with an awesome woman. She is as conscious as her hands are healing, and it really helped to release the bits of me from the day that were still hanging on. Sharing my essence with another, and receiving theirs, being raw, open and fully naked (in more ways than one), that living life and going within myself to find my answers, I found that I have been looking inwards, to the point of seclusion and separation. There is something to be said about sharing and connecting with others. It’s like what I do gives someone else permission to rise up out of their shell and do something radical. And what other people do gives me the courage and permission to step outside of my box. Of course, I still have to get past my thoughts of “What will my parents think when they see me naked, in public? Will my dad think I’m a whore? Will they really understand that this is about my freedom and has nothing to do with them unless they want it too?”
When we had our date to talk, both Dakar and I realized that so much of life is all about connection to people. Doing the work on self and sharing it with others, all of us raising our vibrations together, not in blame and seclusion. This only happens when one is willing to get real with themselves. This is what I want, this is the humility I’ve been waiting and searching for. This is my reason to live, to share, to experience. I find it takes so much energy to engage in a casual conversation with someone. I would much rather be able to run into a friend at the market and instead of saying “Wow, it’s snowing outside again, can you believe it?” I would love to be able to say (and be received) “Hi Sally, what came up for you during Yoni Gazing last night?” or “Hey Fred, what have you done in the last hour to change your life?”
Oh, how different our world could be…I’m going to try a question like this on someone tomorrow…I’ll let you know how it goes!!!
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